as I find the area of sex very interesting (as an important part of human being) there are questions arising constantly. One question appeared when my boyfriend asked me to give him a hand job. For the first time I became aware that he somehow seemed strained (I remembered that this has always been the case with him) and I asked him why he did so. His answer was, that he strained to avoid orgasming too fast or to bring himself to orgasm. So he either gets an orgasm too fast or he doesn´t get one by itself.
I compared it to my own experiences: When I began the karezzian way of intercourse and didn´t focus on orgasm as the goal, orgasm easily appeared by itself. But when orgasm was my goal I had to work for it like my boyfriend had to (as I imagine his experience) and it was more like work than enjoyment. So I think his perception of sexual things might be not very satisfying because he cannot simply enjoy those things, he always has to "work" for it.
My question now is: How do other guys experience this - is/was it hard work and not easy to relax? Are there any techniques to relax and enjoy without ejaculating too fast?
I would like my boyfriend to enjoy sexuality and take the pressure off him...as his girlfriend I want to make him happy of course. He always had trouble in feeling "enough" and simply enjoying sex. He told me he was either like an observer who could think about complex mathematic problems while having sex or he was so "into it" that he dissociated completely and was "gone", out of his mind...he even cannot remember the special things that happened in a sexual situation, he completely forgets what happened while I can tell different things that made the situation special. So either he is the observer or he is completely lost in it.
Do some of you have similar experiences or explanations for this? I could imagine he has been traumatized sexually and he also thinks this could be a possibility...his first girl-friend kind of "raped" him by "taking" him without asking him if he wanted to have sex with her. It was his first time having sex and it may seem unusual but he wasn´t into sex that much at that time and felt a bit overwhelmed by her in a negative way. I know being "taken" by a girl normally is a sexual fantasy of boys but I also could imagine it could cause damage. What do you think?
Thanks for sharing your experiences, I am really interested in men´s perspectives.