I was rereading my old Blog entries and found many really good advices. I could see my boyfriend and I were on a good way, until I gave up staying on that way, because there were so many up´s and down´s. It´s not easy to look at those up´s and down´s from a wider range of view, especially for me. It´s hard for me to stay on a certain way and not be discouraged by the down´s...just GO STRAIGHT forward is nothing I am good at. This may be the reason for some of my compulsions - I just don´t know how to stay on the way differently, I have to bite on to something. This makes it hard to avoid being forceful in trying to convince him about karezza and often I don´t know if I should insist on something or not because I don´t know if it was helpful staying on the way or if it was forceful and therefore harmful to staying on the way.
By posting in this community I do have a treasure chest and when I forget what is precious I can take a look at it and be reminded.
And I have to be reminded very often!
I think I gave in to go back to old habits, when I should have insisted on doing it slowly at least at the beginning of intercourse. I guess I felt pressured and gave in to fulfill his expectations because I am not good in saying "no". Next time I will insist on doing it slowly and therefore I will ask him if he could try to "explore" my body first....this should put his mind into presence and this is the place he should be at when having sex.^^
Though I decided to not mention the subject of karezza to him for a while, this doesn´t mean I have to give up the exercise. If he doesn´t get the (totally plausible) idea of karezza by words he has to learn it through experience. This was the first way and it worked better than explaining, though we had our up´s and down´s as well. I just have to stay clear and tell him I want it slowly at least at the beginning...and stay with it! If he leaves me because of too boring sex (this is what I am afraid of when asking him to slow down) he isn´t the right one anyway!
Thanks for giving me a room for sharing my thoughts. Hope some may find help in it as well as I am finding in other´s descriptions.