I find that OCD hits me the hardest when I am frustrated or under pressure with something. OCD then magnifies this frustration so much, that I just want to tear my hair out. Its like an itch so irritating that I get so enraged and I want to yell out loud. For example, yesterday I had a horrible tooth ache, and the pain was so irritating that OCD started putting stupid thoughts into my head. My mind went crazy, I started to believe in these thoughts..I tried to ignore them, but the thoughts would not leave me because of the nagging pain in my molars would always bring the thoughts back.
Hello Everyone! I am back from not posting for 2 month. This is a general update of what is going on with me right now. First lets get the bad news over with, and that is I am still dealing with addiction. My addiction to the dopamine rush still has not dissapeared...and I hate to admit it, but the old daily masturbation habit has come back. Although the relative good news is that I dont do it to porn. With that aside I feel alot better than 8 month ago, when everything crashed for me. What I am most proud of is that I can actually feel sexual attraction again.
Well, today was pretty hectic..I am extremely faitgued after exams and I keep on seeing doubles from being tired. I made some progress with that girl I mentioned on my last post. I actually managed to chat with her in person. I know her name and she is single. So I am hoping this is my lucky strike. I need to recover from this maddness.
Hello everyone, I have been practicing my flirting skills to distract myself from HOCD and PMO temptations. There is this girl I met at a lecture. I have tried approaching her and striking a conversation, but it just doesnt work...because I get so damn nervous, and I get awkward...any suggestions?
Hello everyone, its been a very long time since I posted. I have made a lot of progress. First off, I am proud to say that my masterbation problem is under control. It use to be that I have to fight the urges to masterbate and have insane chasers after. Now I think my brain is adapting to without masterbation. I can go for days without masterbating once. I still sometimes masterbate, but usually its something that triggers it...for example an advertisement or a picture that slipped through my internet filter.
My mind is anxious again from HOCD, my mind keeps on rewriting the past. It is now telling me that I was aroused by tranny porn and gay porn from day one....but I know that isnt true....then it is telling me its true and it indicates I have homosexual tendencies.....I just feel so anxious.
Okay this is where my therapist really got me confused. What is the difference between these two terms? I know what sexual arousal is....it is when my wee wee gets hard. But what does sexual attraction mean? If sexual arousal = sexual attraction...that must mean I am sexually attracted to porn.
just can stop thinking about her....wish my brain would stop....I dont think I can love any other girl ever again...just cant stop....falling into depression.
Hey marnia, I know four days is a long time for me to not post. But these four days have been okay for me. I have been excersising every day on the treadmill, and it helps. I still MO though, but the urges are fewer. Wish I had better news to tell you guys. But right now I dont even hope for better..I just hope things dont spin out of control again like before....the anxiety is here, then it is gone, then it comes back again....
Hi marnia, I went treadmilling today while watching television. I find it easier watching television while treadmilling because it distracts my mind so it doesnt wonder. It cut the anxiety quite a bit. And I find that when the anxiety is down, these sensations and feelings dissappear......its incredible how fast they leave. When I get an OCD spike I instantly get anxiety which brings back those feelings and sensations. Is this a good indicator that those stupid feelings and sensations are just products of severe anxiety, a dopamine craving mind and over the top obssesive thinking?