Hey everyone.. been over a year.. and in that time I got pregnant again and now have a 3 month old girl :) oops. But a good oops. We are hopefully done. My partner is considering a vasectomy.. guys have any tips on that? Anyways
I've gotten really down and out post partum.. not depression but just realizing the extent of my sex issues after an enlightening experience. While my vagina was healing for 3 weeks, I was feeling all sorts of sensation in my pelvis, probably from my cervix and surrounding areas moving back to normal size.. and it felt good. I also felt "Grace" and calm confidence, and pleasure when my partner hugged me.. all sorts of feelings I felt like were probably normal in a way, that I could be feeling all the time.. perhaps my baby's head massaged out some tension, or my healing muscles simply made me more aware.. but I felt so ..where I should be. In my body, my heart, sensuality. And I became aware of the pockets of growth. I felt love and also where it was lacking. Awareness.
But by 3 weeks, one day I simply felt the energy lift up to my head. Seriously as if all the air went out of my pelvis or my nerves no longer felt anything, and my mind suddenly became more active. No triggers. It was a plain day. I think my mind was more active because there was less sensation to keep it busy. Anyways DISAPPOINTING. my sexuality even without having sex yet felt on the pathway to feeling* and feeling normal and healthy for once in my life. :(
So I have realized I do need a sec therapist and there are a lot of things I am probably unaware of, holding tension in my pelvis and vagina, cervix, hell who knows uterus as a result. Someday when I can bring my nursing girl to a session I will.
Tonight!! My partner and I cuddled and then he brushed his teeth and came back... I was feeling glum as I didn't want another disappointing night.. we tried having sex a week or two before and I felt nothing :( and I learned a lot this time around.
- him being above me in missionary freaks my arousal out and turns it off. Like I am afraid of him falling on me or too much force on my vagina closes and pinches the sensing nerves off.
- when he lays his leg across me but body is partially off me to the side and *stays down* the whole time.. I relax into these comparatively beautiful sensations of pleasure... I am relaxed i am grateful for his penis and what he can give to me.
- with this position, we rubbed mostly the whole time.. the tip of his penis nudging the entrance of my vagina. He was also softer too.
- noises came out of me that were reflective of actual pleasure not just "I wish this was how I was feeling
- he orgasmed, I didn't. And I didn't care... there was no build up that I felt I had to release** that's why I think it was karezza for me. Felt safe and pleasurable.
- afterwards there has been no clingy feelings, no subtle resentment, and no tension in my vagina.