I'm a 24 year old male that feels like I need to stop a pornography addiction. I am going to try no PMO to rid this habit. I have gone with no pornography before for a week or so and it was fine. I have never went without masturbating though. I feel like I have been suffering with some ED due to pornography so I am very curious to see if this no PMO will work! I have realized through research what a demon pornography is. I was always under the assumption that pornography aided with my comfort with my sexuality (I'm gay) so I always viewed pornography with a positive attitude. Now I have realized that porn is the opposite of this. I am proud of the fact that I have deleted all my stashes of porn, something I have never even dreamed about doing! I would freak out thinking that my hard drive would break and ruin my porn collection! But now after realizing the awful thing that porn has done to me, I despise it and had no problem ridding myself of it.
I have been actively involved with pornography since the age of 13. The rush and thrill of it was something I would look forward to all day. It also provided me with warm feelings toward my sexuality of which I was questioning at the time. Of course the porn addiction increased and I found myself keeping hard drives full of thousands of pictures and videos. It aided me at night when I was lonely or depressed. Sometimes I would binge for hours looking at porn. I never really noticed that porn was affecting me until I started researching.
Through high school I was more of a quiet kid. I was still in the closet so I never had any intimate relationships with anyone. Senior year I came out and was loved by all my friends and family. In college I had sex with a couple of guys but that was usually in a drunken stupor! haha. But all in all I never had any relationship through college. I would always retire home and PMO. I thought that I just preferred pleasuring myself because I could do it better than another man. Now after graduating college and going on a few dates, I feel a lack of intimacy with any guy. On a recent time having sex, I couldn't even get hard. At that time I began to question why.
Once I read about pornography addiction and over-sensitization with dopamine everything just clicked. Porn has not caused any positive results with my life but the opposite. It has caused me to not want sex with another human or want intimacy. It has kept me away from probable relationships. I feel like it also has diminished my self confidence in the process. This has made me angry with porn and I think that is a good attitude to have.
So now I am going to try no PMO for 90 days to hopefully reboot my brain to enjoy physical intimacy with a real partner. It is now the end of my second day with no PMO and I feel ok about it. I don't think that not watching pornography will be difficult, I am more concerned with not masturbating. I am a little nervous about this journey as I have never done this before, but I am incredibly optimistic about this new sense of self I will eventually find. Today I have noticed that I have a little feeling of blue balls, but nothing major. Other than that I haven't even thought about porn. I realized the addiction last night when I was getting ready for bed and I was a little sad at the thought of not masturbating; I wasn't even horny. Obviously I would have forced it otherwise just to get the dopamine high!! UGH! Anyway, I am going on this adventure, hopefully for the best! I am going to update my experience and thoughts to hopefully aid in others battles. I'm a little nervous, excited, and hopeful about whats to come. I just hope that my anger towards pornography will carry me through the dark times...
Good luck everyone else battling this as well! :)