the olive tree

Submitted by undying on
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I'm updating to say that things are going really well in our 18-year relationship. Patience and communication are paying off, after about five years of me being interested in karezza and him not being "there" yet.

My title refers to Penelope and Odysseus' bed, built on the stump of an olive tree, which symbolizes peace. How's that for peace between the sheets?!

In the last year and a half my Odysseus was able to notice that post-orgasm, he would fall into monstrous anxiety. Once he was on board with the theory and had tasted the delicious karezza difference, It took about a year to get past a stage where he was extremely prone to mental overheating. He has the physical control and knowledge of himself to keep from going over the edge, but once he's ramped up to a certain point, he was basically sex crazed until he did come.

Eventually I told him, if you stay at a 5 or 6, it's fun and you don't feel driven to go over the edge, but if you go to 9, there's no good way to put on the brakes. Somehow he connected with that.

Also, we figured out how to make time regularly by setting the alarm an hour early and sleepily hooking up most mornings. We're not good with complicated schedules, so it helps that it's a habit we don't have to think about or carve out time for. It's the perfect way to spend that sleepy don't-wanna-get-out-of-bed-yet time! Plus, from my point of view, (with plenty of kids in the house), I'm worn out at bedtime. Night sex seems like a chore, but morning sex paves the way for a great day!!!! I think it's comforting for him to count on the nourishing connection, frequently.

I think exercise helps so many things; I think it has helped him with karezza and vice versa.

I'm thankful to you all. This forum has been a source of inspiration, wisdom, and sustaining hope. I look forward to exploring more and more of the wonders you karezzanauts have described!

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thank you

it's interesting that you drove this in the relationship. I think it's so wonderful. Thank you for sharing a follow-up on your journey.

It's a massive change

and patience is essential. It's great the two of you saw and acknowledged the anxiety-link in your situation. It's heart-wrenching to think how much misery could be avoided by this simple awareness. Even when someone orgasms, if they understand that the temporary increase in [whatever symptom] is predictable, it can be very comforting.