Suffering

Submitted by undying on
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We've been off the karezza wagon, and it's no good. Irritability is up. Seeing each other's beautiful true essence is down.

Incidentally, we had got going last year with karezza and made good progress during a period when I was not cycling, due to breastfeeding. With the return to a monthly fertility cycle, it seems lizardly havoc broke loose. I would say it's all on his side, but I'm sure without realizing it, I'm contributing to the heat.
When I come, my perception of him really changes. I become less content, less generous...

It is hard to see him suffering. He feels he lacks the energy to do the things (exercise) that he knows are crucial.

Celebrating one moment of triumph: we had a really nice non organic session that began with me initiating and saying "this is going to be very calm." And he was happy to go with that.

Another positive sign is that we've come to a better understanding that he actually appreciates when I stop when I've had enough. He said otherwise, when I let him keep charging when really I'm satisfied and don't really want to go on, he gets into a cycle of guilt. That makes sense. I have been too shy about speaking up when I'm ready to stop. It's something our culture doesn't ever train you for - the whole world knows sex is supposed to be over when "he" comes... Stopping feels awkward because it seems like depriving him. Being unfair. Being boring. But I'm learning, finding my voice.

I came around to read some of the classic karezza posts and stay inspired. Thank you for carrying the torch,. Keep the light shining!

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Would it help to come up

with a hand signal you can use when you sense it's time to slow to a halt? That can be easier than speaking.

Also, even on days you don't have intercourse, make sure you either do some naked cuddling, or spend time holding his penis. That will help him feel that his energy is being "received," and seems to reduce frustration.

Stopping

When we're going "hot", I sometimes find I want to keep going when she stops, but shortly after, I'm grateful. Sometimes I'm the one that stops. But one thing my wife does that you might find helpful is she will go to the bathroom. That small interval can be enough that when she comes back and tells me she's done, it's easier to cool off.