I'd like to apologize for the break between posts; I've just started a new job and I've been terribly busy with that. I am able to take a moment and write 1 of 2 blog posts that I envisioned when I first started this Sex for Christians ministry blog. I believe the two posts I want to write work hand in hand so I hope to post that entry soon.
I was going to title the previous blog "2 kinds of sex" but I got so caught up with my history that I didn't feel it was right to tack this topic onto the end of a post, and that it would be more appropriate to give it its own entry.
Perhaps it came from going through the various resources on this site, but I came to the conclusion that there really are two kinds of sex. And it's easy to say "yeah, the ones with orgasm and the ones without" but I think there are many, many implications that stem from that distinction. One could group "Sex A-style" together and "Sex style-1" together (please note that I used equivalent categorizations, not labeling the groups A and B or 1 and 2, as I believe there is nothing inherently wrong with either "type" of sex; they each serve a purpose in the great big picture of a human's life).
Let's take a look at A-style and say that it's all the sex affiliated with the rush of sex. And I don't even mean the orgasm's rush. When a person first becomes sexually active, there is a great deal of anticipation, excitement, and exploration. The actual act or milestone often overshadows who you are entering a physical relationship with. Looking back, I shudder to think if I married the first girl I ever kissed or felt up or was naked with (I did, however, marry the woman to whom I gave my virginity, and for that I am very grateful!). This kind of sex also includes things that couples are often encouraged to do to "spice up" their marriage. Yes, feelings of excitement and the thrill of the new will be exhilarating, but this will clearly be short-lived. This could be anything from couples watching porn together, to bringing in sex-toys, to engaging in threesomes or swinging or what have you. I would imagine that the chronology of such spice-up experiments are close to what I listed, because what titillated before wasn't enough later on, and deeper titillation and weirder things and more disturbing fantasies take over the mind. I would say that an addiction to this sexual thrill is what causes a lot of pain, let alone drives several serial killers that I've heard of! But I digress...
There's another facet to A-style sex, and that is masturbation. And clearly, there is no "loving atmosphere" in a "self-love" session. Again, not that there is anything wrong with masturbation (some Christians believe that it is wrong, but my opinion is that it is not mentioned in the Bible so it is fine... with limitations, to be noted later); I believe masturbation has its purpose.
But here is an interesting point of view that I discovered that I have. That is, a sexual encounter between husband and wife, whose sole purpose to get each other off because it's been awhile or whatever, is effectively masturbation by vagina (MBV?).
Now, as to the other kind of sex, I would say that 1-style Sex is, of course, lovemaking. It's that unspeakably beautiful moment when two souls intertwine in step with the bodies they inhabit, that act of solitude, quiet, peace, where no one else can invade, where you and your spouse transcend this physical plane into a place that belongs only to you.
I believe there really are two kinds of sex: the kind that gets you off, the-quicker-the-better kind; and the kind that is so much more vastly satisfying, where not only your body is filled with pleasure, but your soul as well. I can't stress enough how deep, how... magical that moment is. And I find that the most beautiful thing about it is I get that satisfaction from the tenderest kisses, the closest embraces, the most exquisite spooning, that contact brimming with lovingkindness. I don't even necessarily "need" to engage in intercourse, although that is another facet of making love. It is a sin, yes, it is downright wasteful and foolish to forgo that spectacular union over one that simply makes you cum for 3 to 6 seconds. It's regrettable the same way that it's regrettable when we choose not to pray: you lose time with your Heavenly Father, you don't have a chance to speak to Him, to let your burdens upon Him, why skip that chance when you are fully entitled, as one redeemed by the blood of Christ.
"O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer." - "What a Friend we have in Jesus"
As an epilogue, let me say that this, I believe, is the reason why waiting for marriage is truly the right way to go. Imagine, your spouse with whom you are now, being the only person you ever kissed, ever held, ever made love to, what a deeply beautiful, intimate relationship. When two are first married, abstaining from sex beforehand, they have that first kiss, that first time in bed, combine all that with the energy from a young married couple, and yeah, it's the perfect environment to make babies!! But after you're done making the babies, why reach for the orgasm? I say, if it happens, it happens, but you're missing the point. Focus on your partner and how you and him/her interact when your bodies and souls are embraced. It's no wonder that the Courtship movement has become so popular and successful among Christian communities. I'm not from that background, but they would do well if they taught their young people to focus on their new spouses, not on what they were about to do, not what they were about to feel (as in orgasm), just go with the beautiful flow.