So I have just caved to PMO today about 5 minutes ago and I wanted to write out directly how I felt afterwards, this was my longest time away from PMO that I can consciously remember, so I have to give myself that. The cravings for porn came strong after I had my first orgasm in a sex session on day 26, I was not familiar with "the chaser effect" until day 27.
The cravings for PMO were so strong today that when they waved through my body, I felt as if I was going to pass out. My body seemed to take over once I let my mind sit on the idea of PMO'ing for an extended time. When I first opened the browser to the porn videos, the feelings were so intense that again, I felt as if I may pass out. They were so overwhelming that it didn't even feel good, it was too much. I realized in that moment that it wasnt even about the orgasm, it was the addiction. Once I orgsmed to the porn video, that was it, I was left with nothing and felt like a storm had gone through me and I was left deserted with my UN-organized emotions. I was prepared not to beat myself up if this ever happened, but I can tell you now that I want back on the path to PMO-FREE right away!
Although I get to start from day 1 again (because counting motivates me), I want to walk away from this knowing, and proving to myself, that there is NOTHING on the other side of PMO, and it amazes me that I lived in that world for as long as I did. Going my first 28 days, was the happiest I have felt in years, I felt music, friendship, love, art, nature, dreams, adventure, success, admiration, motivation, and happiness all within those 28 days, and I am proud to start again and learn the gift of discipline one day at a time!