Hi everyone! I am a long time lurker at this site, and have read Marnia's fantastic Cupid's poisoned arrow book. I don't intend to come here to moan about being single. Because my last relationship was emotionally traumatic, it has taken me some time to begin to heal. I think I am finally coming back to "myself" after 1.5yrs of feeling I had lost my soul when it ended with my ex.
I don't feel destroyed anymore, and every day I trust myself more, and feel more grounded in my life path.I am pursuing a job which I love very much - it makes me feel like I am doing what I was born to do and am making some small positive impact in the world.
However, (you knew that was coming, right?) I have had no inclination to go out and find meaningless sexual partners during this time. I was too busy grieving my previous relationship and then developing what may turn in to my career to even consider going out to casually date.
Also if you look back at my post history you'll see that I've been aware of Karezza principles since 2012. All of this timeI have wanted nothing more than to practice them. And so, during my 2 years of aloneness I just tried my best not to masturbate ( very very infrequently did that happen). I tried to start meditating, to redirect body energy so it wouldn't become "stuck" in my pelvis and result in dream orgasm.
The pattern that I noticed was that - either a dream orgasm or a masturbatory orgasm would throw me off the rails for a few weeks. Then I would remember why I hate them so much thanks to the awful after effects. And, as I was alone, it was useful for me to have to reflect on this being all about my body- I couldn't blame a partner for "making" me orgasm.This was all about me and what I chose to do (less so in dream states). But after a few weeks out from an orgasm I would feel ok. a month out, i felt great and also not sexually obsessed.
By two months, it felt like my body was nothing but sext energy and so far my attendance at Yoga classes (not kundulini) haven't helped it like I thought it would. It would usually end up feeling like this massive bodily energy overload -- before a dream orgasm or any other variety of orgasm. And there would be this huge need to be loved/feel loved. And then by about 3 months out, either have an orgasm in my sleep or give in.
So my point here is: the reason this happens, its seems to me, is that despite my intent to learn to be strong willed in case anyone would want to ever date me again and would be interesting in trying karezza: I want to make sure I'm not the one unduly heating things up.
Every time this happens I feel like a failure - but more importantly I feel like I'm missing the secret.
Does Yoga/meditation not stop that over-build-up of body firey energy?
Does it take a partner to have a chance at this? Ie, with Karezza, if done in a properly *non-heated* way, would that somehow neutralize or actually take away the pressure of that energy that otherwise would overflow into orgasm? I just hate feeling like I don't have any way to healthily deal with this on my own without it being in 2/3 month cycles.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with sexual energy buildup when single, besides yoga and meditation and clean eating? I am trying those things but dream orgasms still happen.
I am an almost 29 year old woman. I don't have any porn addiction or anything like that. I've been trying to live by Karezza principles since 2012 but my (emotionally abusive)partner preferred to cheat on me than give it a go so I just avoided orgasm on my own totally without his support. That ended in 2016, and ever since, I've basically been living like a monastic. Trying to avoid orgasm as much as possible, because abstinence was the closest thing I could do to karezza when by myself. And I did great work in other areas of my life.
But I feel like I am missing something and am coming here for advice -on how to survive on your own when this [karezza] is the sexual practice you want in your life?
Before I die,I just want to know what it feels like to love someone with the feeling of love/cuddles and gentleness, and not the passionate sex intensity love. (which is wonderful until it destroys your life afterwards)