50 days

Submitted by WhiteRabbit on
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It's been a while since my last entry. And it will unfortunately be a while until I make another one. There's been less and less chance of a relapse, now that I'm seeing someone. It's amazing how thinking about another person can take one's mind off porn - even when one feels lonely. The ultimate cure? Marnia and Gary kept letting us know that bonding was key, and I must admit I (rather stupidly) ignored them :( Now I understand.

The confidence isn't still there, and I still do get anxious around others. I am more aware of my anxiety, I think, rather than being just more anxious - but I'm still struggling to overcome it. I've realised (long before) that it's got to do mainly with worrying too much how others see me; but there may be other reasons too? However, whatever it is, it IS beatable, so I'm going to keep working on it.

I'm not sure about what I'm going to do with regards to this girl I'm seeing. We've been getting pretty close, and I'm uncertain if I should keep going with no O till 90 days (since how well my reboot has gone so far, it would be a shame to end it). Or, alternatively, if I should consider sex a healthy part of a reboot (it was one of my aims) and ensure that - as long as I continue to walk away from porn, it's healthy. Though, all up, both options seem like positive options, so I'm not stressing TOO much :) It's a relief to have to choose the better of two options for a change :)

I'm going to be trying a 20 day no internet challenge - so that means that the next time I will post on this site will be at 70 days (touch wood). I think the internet has become as major a challenge as porn is in my life, so I'm keen to minimise my reliance on it.

I hope everyone here is going strong with your reboots; and you manage to reach the goals you set for yourself. Keep fighting :)