General status: no M or O for 3 months and despite all intents and purposes, single. I've been tracking my moods diligently for 6 weeks, which I've found both helpful and fascinating. The biggest result from this is that I've become increasingly sensitive to feelings in my body and my mind, including my moods.
I would never describe myself as moody, but I have my moments. Like this weekend. On Thursday night I was on day 15 of what I'd recorded consistently as either "positive" or "excited/energized" moods. Although life is far from perfect (poverty, single parenting and a million global issues to feel despairingly about are among some of the bigger things that bug me), I wrote in my journal that I feel 'on top of the world' and 'nothing could possibly phase me".
Then I woke up and everything phased me for approximately 30 hours (minus one relatively good night sleep in there). During the worst moments I cried for 3 hours straight, then I raged in my head for 4 hours and I was overly tough on my kid. I then decided to haul some junk which involved some legitimate throwing and smashing. That helped.
But I felt so intensely low that the thought "maybe if I just masturbate a bit to some cuddle fantasy, without orgasming, I'll give myself a little dose of oxytocin and maybe bring my dopamine up a bit. Alas, I'm so super sensitive that I orgasmed a highly anti-climatic orgasm within a minute - and then spent a few hours angry that I'd now be spending the next 2 weeks with an O hangover for that lousy second of disappointing pleasure.
Then today I awoke perfectly cheerful. High almost. And I started my period.
I don't recall PMS ever being THIS strong. Any women out there experiencing more intense PMS while going without orgasm? [I've ruled out health and diet, cause it's all pretty good] My theory at the moment is that I'm generally positive and so my brain's now getting used to being more balanced neurochemically but when the menstrual hormones kick in, my brain's completely thrown off by it as opposed to when my brain's working that much harder to keep the balance after orgasm. Kind of like if you were walking down the street without a care in the world and someone jumps out of no where and mugs you - you'd be completely thrown off right? As opposed to walking down the street with a chip on your shoulder carrying your keys like a knife, ready for anything to come at you.
[I really hope that O was so minimal as to be ineffectual on my brain chemistry.]
Another thing I'm noticing is how incredibly sensitive my breasts are. My breasts have been quite sensitive for me during sex ever since I got pregnant, but now they're sensitive all the time. I'm aware of their presence throughout the day in a way I never have been (except for the years I was breast feeding) and they'll be stimulated by the simplest touch, including my clothes. I was cuddling with a friend and it crossed over innocently enough to some breast/nipple touch and it just about sent me through the roof right then and there. I would also tell you that they've increased a full cup size this past month, but then you might think I'm delusional.
I have to say that I'm very much looking forward to sharing this new sensitivity with my next partner!