I'm glad I'm anonymous here cause I'm thinking I'm getting so 'woo woo' new age that I'm going to start losing friends soon:)
This morning I was doing my daily ritual, something I do for relaxation and comfort, where I focus on moving my sexual energy upwards through by vagina into and out of my breasts and was finding it hard to focus for some reason. So I added a little breast massage and was starting to notice more sensation and heat in my breasts. After reading Diana's Richardson's chapter on the role of breasts in lovemaking, I decided to add a little light nipple caressing as well.
I've been staying away from my nipples since steering away from orgasm because for years I've used my nipples as a route to intenser orgasms, both in masturbation and sex with a partner. I found that by getting my partner to play with my nipples during sex in increasingly intense and sometimes painful ways, I could provoke really explosive orgasms. But those orgasms came through oral-clitoral stimulation, usually, or maybe always now that I think about it, and not through penetration. I found that even after an orgasm, I still wanted penetration, but I would want it fast and furious while ignoring any tension or pain I was often feeling and not really paying attention to subtle sensation. That's not what I'm going for now. Now I'm practicing to relax so I can be open, receptive and sensitive to penetration in a new way, without the peak orgasm and the subsequent emotional drama.
[note for those who haven't been following my posts, I've been doing all this while single and with no intercourse. I'm also not really trying to 'masturbate', thus I'm not using toys either.]
The soft nipple caressing at first was good, and in order to avoid clitoral arousal, I focused on moving the energy upwards through my vagina to my breasts. The energy cycling exercise has allowed me to feel more sensations in my breasts and has helped move the energy out of my clitoris and take away the horny groping energy I used to feel. However, I hadn't felt anything in my vagina.
After a few caresses, I felt a little desensitized. Or maybe it was that the feeling was becoming more in the surface of the skin and I was losing the mental awareness of the sensation inside my breasts. I no longer felt any heat in my breasts. So I decided to hold my fingers about an inch away from my nipples and imagine the energy coming up through my breasts and imagined my breast expanding to reach my fingers. This increased the feeling of heat in my breasts again. After a while with this, I lightly touched my nipples and suddenly I felt a surge of energy, like electricity, come up through my vagina, fill my breasts and move out through my nipples. For the first time, I could feel in my body the entire energy circuit that I had been visualizing.
This was a great feeling, but was especially interesting for me to experience without an aching or urges in my clitoris and while still feeling relaxed. Throughout the day I've been noticing more positive sensations in my breasts than usual without feeling even the slightest bit horny or needy, even when I was hanging around with someone I have a huge crush on!