New to the forum, so i'd just like to extend a hello to everyone here.
Ok well heres my story, I apologize in advance for the long post. I’m a 28 year old man, I had one sexual partner in my lifetime, which was years ago. Since then I have masturbated a lot, and most of the time with porn. As a matter of fact I had a huge library of it that I deleted. Fast forward until recently, Im back in the dating scene and I’ve had the opportunity to have sexual relations with 2 partners. Both times to my dismay I failed to get an adequate erection. Now admittedly I was nervous during both encounters, that’s just the way I am. However I do remember being able to calm down somewhat and change focus during both encounters, still though I had no sexual response. Since then i have been reluctant to get into any type of relationship.
A couple weeks ago I read up on the influence of porn, masturbation and sex drive and found the correlation between them. I found that a lot of others had a problem with this as well. I noticed some of the basic porn that I used to get off to didn’t do it for me anymore, I also noticed when I tried to masturbate with this porn my erections definitely weren’t as full, and it took me longer to achieve one. So After reading up I decided to do abstain from masturbation for a little bit.
I went two weeks without doing it. I really noticed the positive effects. I felt better overall as a whole. I didn’t look at any porn at all. I had a slip up just recently after the two weeks and did masturbate however. What I did was I wanted to try something, I wanted to see if some of the old nude pictures that didn’t turn me on anymore now did. I was pleasantly supsrised to find just by looking at some nude photos i was way more aroused. So In a way I think it had a positive effect as I noticed just the naked picture of a women, and not some hardcore video once again turned me on.
That however was a one time occurrence, for me I don’t intend to continue to masturbate or look at any type of porn as I know I can fall back in the same habits. For me stopping really isn’t that difficult, cause I know it will help lead me toward more positive and healthy relationships. To me that reward is much better than a couple minutes of self induced pleasure.
However there is one thing that is bothering me tremendously. Next time I’m with a women i don’t know whats going to happen, and that uncertainty is really killing me. I keep going back to those two times I failed, asking myself if it was performance anxiety, porn and masturbation desensitizing me to real sex, or a little bit of both. I also keep asking myself, did the lack of sex drive cause the anxiety, or was it their in the first place. Regardless though, now its there and previously wasn't. I think about it a lot, and I know as soon as I’m with a women I may think about it again as well subconsciously and that in turn might cause me to well, “not perform”
Again right now after just two weeks it seems my sex drive feels reset. Normal girls are much more attractive to me. I feel really good about that and I’m hoping next time I’m in a sexual situation it helps me become way more aroused. However like I mentioned above I’m still a little fearful to get out their and find another women as I just don’t know what going to happen. I’m trying to think a little more positive while also abstaining from porn and masturbation. That is my story, and I guess my main question is, are there any people out their who have had similar problems such as mine, especially with the whole performance anxiety thing? I have seen a couple positive stories out there and would love to hear if there are any others. Thank you in advance to anyone who reads and responds, its been a weird couple of months with all these thoughts in my head, it was good to finally get them off my chest.