Bonding Behavior Strategies

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couple spooningAs you explore the bonding behaviors, have you figured out any refinements you want to share? Do you have suggestions for others? Questions? Share them below.


Strategy for Unselfish Touch

In order to activate your lover’s subconscious bonding program, you want to make your touch unselfish. Touch your lover’s entire body as if one part were no more important than the other. Don’t just focus on your favorite bits. Has your mate been complaining about something hurting or feeling fatigued? Think about sending healing, comforting energy to that body region. Tune into your partner’s response to your touch instead of concentrating on your own sensations. Sometimes it helps to imagine that energy is flowing out of your hands into your partner as you touch.

One man says that to get in the right mindset, he imagines the loving feelings he has when lying together, naked and in stillness, with his lover. Then he calls on these feelings when touching his mate, and his touch becomes a gift. A woman told me she touches her partner with the same nurturing, unconditionally loving energy she would use to comfort a child.

Alternate Nights Giving Bonding Behaviors

It is reported that it may be helpful to alternate nights of giving a bonding behavior. For instance, if you choose to give a massage, then to cancel out the anticipatory pleasure of receiving one back which may not make it genuinely unselfish, it may be a good idea to decide that you will not get a massage back for your "efforts" that same night. You could also experiment with letting go ever wanting anything in return for your efforts, or, at first it may help to treat your wantingness for something in return as very okay and a good idea, but something that you are going to shelf for now since there are more important matters to attend to (like the nurturing your about to give your partner).

Skin to Skin Contact with Bonding Behaviors

Does anyone have comments on the effects of having more skin to skin contact with bonding behaviors? Do you find the experience deeper when there is more skin to skin contact? For instance, if you take off shirts while holding in stillness have you noticed anything different from when shirts stay on (outside of any sexual arousal, what I am wondering is if more oxytocin may be released)?

For us,

skin-to-skin is definitely our first choice. But hugs with clothing on are ALSO more satisfying than they were before we started making bonding behaviors a daily routine. Go figure....

Hugs with clothing...

I found (by experience *blush*) that hugging with clothes that the area around my throat and heart area warmed up and caused an all over body "feel good" feeling. While I think that skin to skin is good and of a different quality, the face to face body hug with clothing is very healing, healthy, and revitizlizing. It had an orgasmic feel to it but not in the genital stimulation sense...more all over body and radiating. My first choice is with clothing hugging but not to the exclusion of the skin to skin contact.

I'm so used to a trained

I'm so used to a trained leash on my libido in my marital environment, that I am used to spending so much skin contact time (nude or nearly nude) without any hints of sex - I am far from immune to the sight or feel of her skin - I have simply learned to bask in the skin contact - hence, even tho we have not started official exchanges, what we do currently exchange is neither threatened nor cheapened by partial or full nudity. If this helps make it simpler - my spouse is not at all visually triggered - at least, not by me. Long story short, a fair amount of our past dysfunctions have been due to my being what she sought for comfort, companionship, family, partner - not what most appealed to her desires/libido - I am not a trigger for her orgasm-driven feelings. I am actually aware of what visually does trigger her - but in the end, the result is the same - we are a rather unique (or screwed up) couple, in that she no more feels sexually aroused by the sight or feel of my skin against hers, than does (I imagine) the typical member of a naturist/nudist towards another family member. It is possibly described as an absence of visual triggers related to me - so, maximum skin exposure/contact is not a significant threat, for her. While in the past it most certainly has been that exact risk for me, and at times still is - our current mode of exchange is warm, bonding, and I am learning a different form of restraint for myself. Sounds tragic, but honestly, the full or near-full skin contact all night long is more relaxing. As she does not equate nudity or skin contact with sex, she actually complains and sleeps very poorly if I am not fully nude. At least I do get the joy of feeling warm skin next to mine.

Yeah, I know - sometimes I'm simply not a valid test case, I'm no damn help at all!

Sometimes the truth isn't good enough. Sometimes people deserve more; sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded.

I predict

that if she gets serious about this other're gonna start looking much cuter. Wink

And Daffy...I hope that's *recent* practice you're describing. Way to go, woman!!!


And I thought I was already terminally cute !

'Tis not cute that appeals to my goddess - 'tis a couple of decades less age. Another of our totally polar opposites - I find her more beautiful with every passing day - I simply recognize how she biologically/sexually lights up around teen males.

Sometimes the truth isn't good enough. Sometimes people deserve more; sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded.

Did you ever see

the silly movie "Shallow Hal?" I didn't, but someone told me the story. I think the bonding behaviors (without the neurochemical roller coaster of hot sex) are just as good as the hypnosis that made Shallow Hal think his chunky goddess look like a starlet. Smile