I'm a 25-year old male. I found this site somehow by searching for information about serotonin (THANKS to GOD for the fortune).
As I read, I found there is a lot bigger picture about how things are working then I expected. A picture of reward system and addiction. A picture that can explain my experience with my urges, sexual desire, orgasms, and hangovers after them. So I gained more knowledge about how my brain works.
Then I tried to quit. And I failed. Try after try. So I was upset and curious about how was possible that I got into a such strong Addiction - that my will is not enough to overcome it.
So I read The Brain That Changes Itself by Norman Doidge, and I was AMAZED by the discoveries made in neuroscience (I had some knowledge about how my brain is working but not about the power of neuroplasticity).
It always gives me huge hope and consciousness, that it's possible to change a lot of things even more fundamental then I could imagine. So I highly RECOMMEND this book to everybody. It was the most worthwhile reading in my entire life. Also, this site contains very wide and complex information. It's very helpful to explore it.
So the KEY thing that I overlooked while my failures kept repeating was the CONNECTION between orgasms-masturbation-porn-fantasy.
I could will myself to quit masturbation/orgasms due to their consequences and impact on my life. BUT I could not see the deep brain connections arising from my IMAGINATION deep in my mind which was full of porn. These connections were strongly wired to my brain during the time when I was into porn/masturbation. They created a whole big association network of addiction. So it was enough to activate the IMAGINATION of a naked woman body, the act of sex/masturbation, or the feelings of the relief associated with orgasm AND soon the whole network/circuit of addiction in my mind got activated. And reinforced itself even more strongly! [Each thought/orgasm was an automatic "cue" for the others.]
BUT when I realized that the aspects mentioned were interconnected, I was able to CLEARLY SEE WHY urges keep coming. So, notice WHAT leads to what. SEE from where to where the process goes as you become aroused.
Now that I can SEE that, I can BE AWERE of the WHOLE addiction, the whole process.
ONLY when I'm aware of things as they are, can I clearly see the consequences - and also the onset of my behavior-thinking. ONLY then can I CHANGE. Or choose to change.
So, I CHANGED the way I treated everything that was CONNECTED with my addiction (especially my DESIRES and IMAGINATION). I saw everything connected with it (especialy my DESIRES and IMAGINATION) in whole DIFFERENT way. And after 2 months I didn't encouter any urges arising. And even if an urge comes, it has no power over me anymore. And I'm happy.
The crucial part is to REALIZE your Addiction, that is, that there is something IN YOU that has taken over your behavior-thinking, like a computer virus in a computer.
WATCH IT deeply, in every aspect, from every angle, to find out what you have overlooked. EXPLORE, OBSERVE yourself.
LOOK for the CONNECTIONS.
Don't be afraid of the absolutly new things that you discover. They are the most important.
To do that, it will be important to clear your mind. Make time for it, so that you can get deep into it.
It can't be rushed. It can't be forced. The best is when it comes from your own deep curiosity.
Other things/activities that were helpfull for me:
I started to listen to Folk and Chillout music instead of Techno. I found that if the lyrics are not too romantic or dreamy, and if the music is not too fairy-tale like, then it's really soothing to me.
I started to going out for walks. I found that it helps me to clear my mind or to look at the things from another view.
After I read The Brain That Changes Itself by Norman Doidge, I realized that any kind of addiction as well as stressfull / negative thinking damage my brain, so I also quit all negative thinking ("I can't do it"), self depression and anger. Anger and negative thinking can't solve anything and also can't help with anything. That is one of my most important realizations in my life and I'm glad that I finally came to it.
And I think that a minimum of will power is also important. Without any will power you can't do anything. It's like being a machine, which is programmed. The machine just executes, like a slave, the orders coming from the program. So you are no longer a human. And I wanna be a human, not just a SLAVE of some program in my head.
I don't have a girlfriend now. But I agree that with a partner it could be much easier to recover from my addiction. Maybe with a girlfriend I could have sooner realized the things I realized about my addiction. Another human being can be a big eye-opener for your consciousness. I'm also seeing Karezza now as the best way to make love.
I have more energy, more time, better focus and somehow I also have more fun in general.
Once you realize the true nature of your addiction, you will never miss it
Good luck, health and an addictionless life to all of you here.