One Week Without P/M (Four Days Without The Big O)

Submitted by The Fonz on
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Today is my seventh day without pornography or masturbation. But it's only the fourth day without orgasm (I had a dream orgasm two days after my porn/masturbation relapse).

I'm feeling pretty good. The first day after the porn relapse, I felt very irritable. The first day after the dream orgasm, I felt a bit irritable. But then I started feeling back to my normal self again. It only took me a couple days.

A couple days after my dream orgasm, my friend girl came over to hang out. She is currently in a relationship, and our friendship is purely platonic, but she's a bit of a touchy-feely flirt. Which I don't mind at all because she is very attractive and has an amazing body. But ya, we were getting a bit cuddly and touchy-feely on the couch, and I was worried it would turn me on to the point that I would go and masturbate to porn after she left. (So ya, on second thought, maybe our friendship isn't purely platonic, and there is some underlying sexual tension).

I started feeling sulky later in the week. I was worried that it was a leftover hangover effect from the relapse a week ago. But I think it was just from the situation. I went out on the town with a friend. We met up with my flirty friend girl and her boyfriend and another friend. I overheard my flirty friend girl telling someone else about how her one friend is coming to town to visit her (today). This friend of hers happens to be my ex girlfriend (oh, and she's coming with her new boyfriend. ahh!). I was upset that she wasn't going to visit me, but I tried to be cool about it and accept that she and I have drifted, whereas she and my flirty friend girl have remained tight friends (girl power!). I think that if I had been in the first day of hangover from orgasm, I would have taken the news harder. But still I was a bit sulky.

At least the stress of the news didn't trigger a relapse. When my ex and I broke up a couple years ago, I believe my porn addiction really started to escalate. I think I saw it as something that would help me get over the heartbreak, but it actually made it much worse. So I'm glad that now I have the information on the effects of orgasm indulgence, and so now I won't allow the stresses of post-heartbreak drama cause me to binge.

Also, I think I was a bit sulky because the night took me to a bar with a crappy loud band and a bunch of loud horny drunk guys trying to yell pickup lines at pretty girls. But despite my sulkiness, I managed to be social and talkative and jokey. And I think I was able to do that because my confidence has been going up the more time I've had to recover from my relapse. (As I said, I seem to start feeling normal again after a couple of days from abstaining, so i can't wait to see how I feel after two weeks).

You're soundin' good!

That was a real test...the ex in town. Bravo!

It's great that you're putting the pieces together and feeling better. My worst time is near the end of my two weeks, but Gary takes the worst hit during the first week. I'm sure there must be gender differences...and a broad, overlapping (across genders) range of effects. It would be great to know more.

Thanks for the positive

Thanks for the positive reinforcement.

Yes, I do believe there are probably gender/sex differences in the return to homeostasis. Perhaps men are more sexually-driven on a biological level, and so their "juice" returns quicker? I don't know. That's all based in stereotype, so I may just be being an ignoramus.

Also, I think that, culturally, pornography and masturbation is so expected nowadays for men that going a few days without it seems like more of a feat for a male than it would for a woman. So maybe my quick "return to normal" is all just mental--as in, rather than it being my brain actually returning to homestasis, it's just me feeling good about my self control in comparison to the lack thereof of many of my male counterparts.
(This article is mostly unrelated to the topic we're discussing, except when he gets to this quote: "Twenty years ago, when I opened my practice in a suburb of Washington DC, it was rare to find 14-year-old boys who were looking at pornography every day. Today it's common, in fact it's becoming the norm.")

I think that's

a very sound guess, actually. You guys have 10-20 times the testosterone we do (although we can be just as "proceptive" (likely to initiate sexual activity) around ovulation, thanks to our own hormones. (There's some evidence that testosterone and dopamine have a relationship, too.)

Frankly, I think there may be significant clues provided by the behavior of our ancient relatives: rodents. The males seem to show a gradual, if slightly bumpy at first, return to full libido (achieved around 15 days)/ At the same time, they have to be ready to fire up at a moment's notice to attend to any novel females in need of their services - even before recovery is complete. (The Coolidge Effect: This could be why you guys are more susceptible to porn's bevy of moaning "mates" seeking your precious bodily fluids. Smile

Female rats, however, experience surges of prolactin (which may dampen enthusiasm for hot sex by countering dopamine) for 15 days. This happens even if they don't get pregnant...but may be there to keep them "quiet" just in case they have become pregnant. Protection for the (potential) fetus??? Who knows?

In any case, men and women don't fall neatly into two "hangover" patterns - and don't always have the same effects every time. It may be that degree of stimulation has a lot to do with after effects in both sexes. Dunno. It seems evident, however, that there are general gender patterns.