So I am going to start a new thread today because my old thread was primarily about giving up masturbation and right now that issue seems like a distant memory. After a couple of false starts (explained below) my wife and I started karezza sex this past weekend.
For starters, I really have to give my wife a name for purposes of this blog. I hate typing "my wife" because it just sounds too possessive and impersonal, like she somehow doesn't have her own identity other than being "my wife." Hotspring previously dubbed her the "Lovely Woman" which I like a lot, primarily because I think she is the loveliest woman on the planet. But typing that out could get tedious as well, so I think for simplicity, I'll just refer to her as "Nancy."
The "false start" occurred because initially I wasn't clear with Nancy about what I wanted. She won't read Cupid's Arrow because she doesn't want an instruction manual. Nancy dislikes the idea of following a "script" or "formula." So initially we had an understanding that we were trying to incorporate karezza practices into lovemaking, but once I made the decision to avoid orgasm, I really should have communicated this to her directly. Instead, I just hinted about it and for two successive nights she pursued the old "goal" and drove me to orgasm.
That was actually a good learning experience for me because I really noticed the Coolidge effect. In particular, I was very aware of how intense and enjoyable the experience was pre-orgasm and how suddenly it dropped off afterward. I also noticed how continuing to employ karezza techniques really did help counteract those effects to some degree.
After that, I came clean about what I wanted, and Nancy was very cooperative. We decided that if it happened, it was no big deal, but it wasn't what we were going for. As a result, we just had an incredible weekend.
Another big concern I had was how were we going to know when to stop. Neil's posts on this issue last week were very helpful and timely. We found that the process did ultimately run its course. We were amazed how we lost track of time and that an hour or two could go by before we knew it. Ultimately fatigue started to be our guide. Knowing that I needed a full night's sleep for the work week, we agreed to curtail our interaction last night. We had moderate success in doing so! It still feels like we are honeymooners who just can't keep our hands off one another.
One of the other interesting discoveries was that after two days I was very aware that the Coolidge Effect was not kicking in. In the past, if we had intercourse, two nights was the max and then I definitely wanted some distance. It was very noticeable to me that this wasn't happening.
I'm amazed by the level of intimacy and connectedness that we have achieved and that it seems to be completely sustainable. I certainly believe that it can be.
One last observation I made concerned the build up sexual tension. In the past, when I experienced built up sexual tension I would look for a way to try to relieve it. This usually led to me fondling myself and ultimately masturbation and orgasm. In the first two weeks when I was simply trying not to masturbate, I still ended up fixating on my genitals and stimulating myself, although not to orgasm. Now this energy can take a totally different direction. I really have no desire to self-satisfy. Instead, I think about our Karezza experiences and that energy seems to re-distribute throughout my entire body. All I want to do is save it and direct it toward our next experience. I particularly notice the flow of energy to my lips and chest and heart. It's just a warm full feeling that feels really nice.
Someone previously commented that I was a "quick study." That may be true, but I also think that after several years of personal and relationship work, this website came to my attention at just the right time. I am a complete convert! Thanks all for your shared wisdom and particularly for Marnia for your encouragement! -Sid