Submitted by Mars on
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...possibly further confirming the theory in Peace Between The Sheets.

Since a few months I have a very long-distance relationship (VLDR) with a woman. After getting to know her on a dating website we exchanged emails and chatted for a couple of months, then we met for a short period. During our time together each of us felt that it was worth getting into a relationship and so we did. After that I went back and we have been emailing and chatting for another 4 months now.

Now, I have been addicted to masturbation (but not porn) for a long time but have been trying to control that after discovering Reuniting. I have had mixed successes with that but keep trying.

In these months of VLDR I have clearly noticed how, when I do not masturbate, my affection and love for my girlfriend increases. I can see that in the way I write to her as well as a very nice overflowing feeling of love tangibly felt in the area of the heart.

But after masturbating there is a drastic change in that, the feeling of love (albeit still there) gets less and the way I write to her changes, too. I sort of become more aloof, and that is reflected in my writing.
And yes, after about 2 weeks of not masturbating things change back again.

I find that interesting in particular because this specific scenario shows how masturbation affects me. Limited other factors come into play because of the fact that we are so far away.


Welcome back

I'm delighted to hear you have a goddess in your life. I hope the distance thing isn't permanent.

Very interesting what you shared. I'm sure you can imagine how confusing it is to women when that "emotional distance" kicks in, especially after they have tried to follow the popular prescription for pleasing you by turning on their full "hotness." No wonder we get clingy and resentful, eh?

In the "Disrobing" video I mentioned, they give psychological questionnaires to two guys before, during, and a month after 30 days of constant porn exposure - and it's interesting to note the shifts the questionnaires register...and how the guys bounce back by 30 days after the experience.

I think it's way cool that you can see the changes for yourself. Alas, it's hard to see unless there are lengthy stretches of orgasm-free time in the mix, too. Then it becomes obvious.

My husband and I were just laughing that sexologists define sex without orgasm as a sexual disorder so risky that they can't even set up experiments to compare its possible benefits with "healthy" sex, but they assure people that no amount of masturbation is too much. *shakes head* I think humanity has taken a bit of a wrong turn there...but the beauty of an error is that it can be corrected - once we assess what's really going on and how important clear perception is for "safe" harmonious loving.

Hello I have heard of many


I have heard of many accounts that masturbations does not decrease affection and love for his/her partner. I can at least say this from personal experience. Indeed, Mars, your account is just an anecdote and can only be taken lightly.

With respect to Marnia's comment, you are right in that errors in science can be corrected. That is the beauty of science; it is self-correcting. The fact that a theory is supported again and again by evidence only strengthens it. Be careful about your judgement of our humanity. I personally think that our morality is constantly moving forward.

My philosophy is this. Believe only after analysing the evidence. Do not be indoctrinated. Ask questions. View life with an open mind.


but did you consume her?

Ok so you mentioned "then we met for a short period.", can I safely assume you had sex during this period?

I'm definitely all for stopping masturbation, and I can also respect people who are interested in connecting with their spouse or whatever (altho I know nothing personally about that part),
but your post I got the idea your brain is thinking:
"ah man no one local wants me I have to sink so low as to do internet dating with someone far far way, and on top of that I can't even/barely get laid with her!! I'm such a loser, I should really do something about it."
But then another part of your brain is masking that up with:
"noooo... actually. the fact that I've been wasting 4 months chatting with a girl and still not/barely gotten laid is just because I'm morally superior to everyone else, I care about more than sex"

I hope I'm very wrong (really I just went on intuition there),
if however I am right I didn't want to sound disrespectful, finding a girl can be hard, I'm just saying don't mask your feelings up,
who knows one day you might discover she's been cheating on you, and then it's good to know in the back of your head "I was only dating her because of X anyway" , but if you have this idealized image in your head that you 2 had something very special going on because you had "nice overflowing feeling of love tangibly felt in the area of the heart " and it was "more than sex" then guess who's going to be back on the wagon :P

Btw when you say VERY-long-distance this better not be some thai girl!! :P