After fasting from PMO for 15 days, emotions have come up, and I'm realizing I have 2 addictions going on...
(1) Porn and masturbation. 15 days free of PMO so far! Awesome.
(2) But now I'm also noticing that my mind is obsessing over affection/abandonment. There are two women sexually and romantically interested in me in various degrees, and if I text one of them and they don't text back right away...I find my mind obsessing over:
- why hasn't she gotten back to me?
- did I make her upset?
- was I too overtly sexual?
- was I not sexual enough?
- did she find someone else?
- are other people they're seeing better than me?
- am I inadequate?
Now at some level, I'm aware that this is my brain being really, really stupid. But now I realize I've been spending my life obsessing about potential abandonment, and then using masturbation and orgasm as a release from that stress. Whoa.
I'm motivated. This is really stopping me from focusing on work, other hobbies, staying in shape, etc. Not to mention that it puts me in an unhealthy dynamic of suffering with women who are legitimately into me. Honestly, willpower is not an issue, as the 16 days went by without a hitch. I just need some guidance on what's going and what new insights and understanding can help me.