Hello everyone! I'm new here to these forums but I am not new to PMO Addiction. I decided it was best to discuss my issues then keep it all bottled up inside me. I am a 26 year old guy that has suffered from a severe PMO addiction for 16 years. And to top it off... I've been addicted to Meth for 3 years ( from ages 17-20), online videogames (15-26) and Marijuana and Cigs for the last 10 years (16~present day).
It all started in first grade when I started having feelings for girls. It is a bit of a haze but I specifically remember "experimenting" with a girl in my class. She touched me and I touched her, daily. How the teacher did not see this I will never know. But I believe this is where my PMO all began and slowly escalated. By 17 I was hooked on meth AND PMO togather. AWFUL! Absolutely horrific. I'm talking about 24 hours+ of straight Porn Binge. Even hitting up every adult shop in the city to feed my obsession. By the time I quit meth I was PMO 1~5x a day... and in the last year or 2 I became obsessed with getting massages for the ending. In fact, 2 weeks ago I paid for 2 massages and 2 "escorts" (from asian woman who speaked very little english) within 3 days. That was 560 dollars spend in 3 days on my obsession, Crazy I know. The 2nd escort I had extreme Performance anxiety with a weak erection. Now this lady was beautiful yet I couldnt get erect. I started thinking of my favorite P videos just to get rid of my Anxiety. Needless to say I prematurely ejaculated within 30 seconds of penetration. I walked out feeling shamed, stupid, anxious, and even broke ( literally no money). I believe I even went straight home to do more PMO just to reassure myself I'm ok, which actually made me feel worse and wanting more. This is when I realized i have a serious mental problem.
Then I came across a bunch of great articles from Marnia that really gave some in depth knowledge on PMO habit. Since reading those articles I decided to QUIT COLD TURKEY. I have now been sober from all PMO for 11 days. I decided to quit for many reasons. It costs too much money, my social anxiety seems to be getting worse, I'm constantly tired and depressed, Porn-related ED, and believe all those relate to my last and biggest problem... no girlfriend. And it really upsets me that I haven't had a GF EVER(except 1 short,meaningless relationship in High school)! I mean... I'm in above average shape, handsome, I have a good job (same company 7 years), and growing up (primarily in High school) I had girls all over me and I just shyed away from them all as if I wasn't interested. I had several girls ask me to the dances and I made up lies to not go. Could this shyness/Social Anxiety be from YEARS and YEARS of masturbation? It is all starting to make sense to me. I know the marijuana hasn't helped either which is why I've cut back to 1 hit a day (just so I can sleep). I have SO MUCH trouble trying to fall asleep if I dont smoke or PMO I will literally stare at the ceiling for 7 hours until my alarm goes off for work.
Steps I plan to take or already have taken:
-Definitely NO PM ever again.
-No "massages" for at least 1 month.
-Cutting back slowly on Marijuana until Jan 1st 2011 when I will 100% stop.
-Quit Cigs soon (already bought the gum)
-Treadmill/Weights everyday ( been going to the gym daily since i quit PMO and already lost 2 pounds)
-Been taking several vitamins including 5-htp,fishoil,mens1 a day, etc.
-Eating only healthy foods ( no more fastfood, no more snacks)
-trying to hang out with friends more (though most are on drugs so I basically have no good influence to hang out with now which makes me feel even more alone)
After 10 days I don't feel that much different as far as my Anxiety goes around woman. Around Co-Workers I do feel a little bit more talkative and less angry with people in general. And I definitly have more energy as I said before I run every day and can't sleep. When I see any woman walking by I'm still thinking SEX SEX SEX MASSAGE PORN PORN!!! which really disturbs me. My anxiety seems to vary from day to day since quitting PMO. I'm hoping eventually my mind will balance out and I can start to feel normal again. I do have several questions to ask you guys and gals though at this point I just felt it was important for me to share my feelings for I have NEVER EVER told anybody about my PMO addiction. Sorry for the endless rambling and Thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to read my life story!
PS. I've read on a quit smoking forum that it helps to wear a rubber band around your wrist and every time you get the urge to smoke you snap the rubber band to deal some pain. Eventually the mind will subconsciously link pain with smoking. I am going to try this with my PMO habit too as soon as I buy a rubberband. lol