First, the disclaimer, in case you think I'm wasting your time, about what this post is about: I need your advice (regardless of whether you're male or female -- I need both perspectives) because I am currently in a situation where if I can take a few right moves, I might as well become a boyfriend (I guess that's a better phrase than "I'm going to get a girlfriend"). [And this is the first time I'll actually come to have a girlfriend, and I'm 18 now by the way; my past and only "girlfriend" was just a girl I made out with... no real relationship at all]
So, here's my situation: there's this girl (NJ) who's the daughter of my mother's distant friend. My mother and I had visited her nearly 7 years ago, so I'm sure she does not remember even my face. But my mother and her mother have been meeting like once in a year and over the phone, but they're fairly distant still.
Anyways, NJ is in the same college as mine, only that she's in the Finance/Commerce courses but I'm with the Science department. Now, our probability of being able to meet in college is not high, because we have two different schedules. But still, I've never even seen this girl as she is now. I remember her as she was 7 years ago.
I happened to get her phone number from another Finance student she knew (I can't use that student as a way to get us to meet, I just met that student randomly). So, I now have her cell phone number. I haven't called her yet. And this is where your advice comes in. Really, how do I approach her? If I call her, what do I actually tell her? That I want to go out with her? Maybe she'll think I'm some kind of desperate sexmaniac just looking forward to get laid. Maybe she'll think I'm just not her type. Maybe she'll think I'm plain crazy. If not asking her out on the first phone call, how do I approach her? That I just want to meet her? What if she thinks, "for what would this unknown guy want to meet me? pedophile!"... okay, I know that girls' romantic mentalities come in just too many varieties, but I just want a general direction to pursue. How do I connect with her? How do I actually build some interest?
There's this huge block inside me that says that maybe:
a) I'll just mess things up... I'm just not meant to be a pleasant romantic guy, maybe I'm just not of any girl's type
b) she's already going out with someone and declines right away
c) her parents will get in the way, maybe because she might go tell them that I asked her out (and, additionally, a screwed up impression of me in her and her parents' minds)
Well, okay, I'm not so much afraid of rejection as I am afraid of what might follow after that -- she'll remember it for a very long time, and then I wouldnt' even be able to talk to her normally, nor her parents, and if my parents come to know from her parents, I'm going to be in some serious trouble.
Now, you might have some reasonable questions/comments to me:
a) are you just desperate to get a girlfriend? you're a sicko!
b) it's part of what romance is about. deal with it!
c) why would anyone on Reuniting care about your personal problems? you're immature!
Now, I know I've been very negative about this in the past, but I no longer am. Let me just say that I'm now willing to really become a good boyfriend. This time, however, I can confidently say that I am NOT looking for a girlfriend to have sex. Maybe some hugging, I don't know. But the main reason is I just want to explore the territory of having a girlfriend. What I mean is, I want to explore girls a little -- not in the biological or physical sense (heck, I've explored enough, although only virtually), but in the mental sense. I'm really curious about how a girlfriend thinks. The most important reason, however, is that I want to connect to that special one romantically. I want to know what romance is and just to be together. Hence, what I'm looking for here is romance and not sex. [Besides, I'm 18, I guess it's time now :)] Now, maybe I am being desperate, maybe you're asking "why her? aren't there other girls you've known for a while?", and that's a very good question, but I just don't feel like I can go out with those other girls I know, maybe because I don't have a good impression with them or something. Well, it's not just any girl I'm picking out... NJ's mother knows my mother. And, it's really amusing to recall, when my mother and I had visited her place 7 years ago, I'd actually briefly fantasised going out with NJ the moment I'd seen her. It'll be really cool if it turns out to be true. :)
I apologise if you feel that I have somehow displeased you with this post. I have posted this because I know there are some really friendly members in here who've always given excellent feedback to me, and because I hope they can help me solve this confusing matter.
Thanks for your patience.