Hello everyone, I just registered in this community and this is my first post, but I've been reading some of the posts in here for a while.
I discovered Your Brain on Porn about 3 months ago after having problems to physically respond when I was making out with my girlfriend. I read a lot of the articles and watched the videos about porn induced erectile dysfunction and I knew I was an addict. I discovered this forum a while reading some of the stuff in YBOP and today I finally decided to post my experience.
I'm 22 years old and have been watching internet porn since I was 13. At first I believed it was normal to watch porn and masturbate, even when I started to do it more frequently and my tastes in porn started to change. I didn't considered porn masturbation a problem until 4 four years ago, when I tried to stop and couldn't be clean for more than a day or two. During the last four years I tried to stop several times, but always failed just after few days; staying clean for a even week was really difficult.
I met a beautiful and interesting women in January and she became my girlfriend four months ago. Before her I was single for six years and was during that time that my porn use became worst.
I started my rebooting process on April 23, after not being able to physically respond while kissing and touching with my girlfriend. I was tired of not being able to stop using porn and when I realized (whit the help of YBOP) that it was destroying my brain and now a relationship I really want to last, I decided I had to change my life. Surprisingly, the process hasn't been that hard in terms of staying out porn and masturbation, I almost didn't feel any symptom during the first days/weeks and then it was I would had never used porn, it was out my system. The real problem has been recovering my sensitivity and the erections.
The first four weeks was very normal, almost nothing changed, expect I wasn't using porn or masturbating. Although I did masturbate without porn or orgasm just to see if I was still able to have an erection... I realized that wasn't probably a good idea and promised not to do it again.
During the fifth and sixth weeks I experimented the "flat line" state, my penis was death.
After the sixth week I started feeling aroused again when I see a beautiful women in the street or I'm hugging, kissing and touching my girlfriend. I experience random erections, sometimes in the morning when I wake up or when I'm sitting in the bus, going to the University. The problem with those erections is that they don't last very long and most of the times they are not as hard as they should be. Even when I'm kissing my girlfriend, I got and erection and after a few minutes (not sure how many, but few!) it start fading away and then there is nothing I can do to get it back; sometimes I get a new erection if stop kissing and then do it again after a while, but then it happens again. During the last six weeks I can only remember one occasion where my erection was hard and last enough (my girlfriend and I weren't having sex, just being close, kissing and touching).
Last week (the twelfth) I tried to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. I was really excited about the idea and believed that after three months of no porn and masturbation I was going to be fine. I was a bit worried for unsatisfying experiences during the previous weeks but wanted to believe everything was going to be ok. Unfortunately things didn't work very well:
At first I had an erection, not a very strong one but enough. We keep kissing and touching for a while and then the erection started to fade so it was impossible to put on a condom and actually have sex. I started to feel upset, sad and ashamed for the situation and we stopped.
At this point I have to say that my girlfriend knew about my problem since week four but except for the time I told her, we didn't discussed it until the day we tried to have sex. I told her it wasn't working, that I was excited and wanted to have sex with her but my body it wasn't (obviously) responding. I told her I was afraid that could happen but was hoping a different outcome given the time I had spent trying to reboot my brain.
We talked about it for a while and then starting doing other things. Later that night we tried again and I was able to put the condom on but had troubles keeping the erection. As always, the erection faded before we could do anything, but this time we tried to get it back although nothing seemed to work. After several minutes of kissing, talking and touching I got an erection again and was able to penetrate her (with some difficulty) but after two minutes (probably less) I feel I was going to finish... I didn't wanted to finish so fast so I stopped and then put my penis out of her trying to relax but before I could get inside her again the erection started to fade. We didn't try more that night.
The next night she decided to try again; this time we were kissing and touching and, while we still have our clothes on, she sat on top of me and started to move (you understand :)). I had an erection but again, not a very strong one. While she was moving I felt very excited and ejaculated (I believe this all happened in less than five minutes). This was two nights ago.
So here I am, after 12 weeks (or three months) of no porn and still having ED problems. I know I used porn for a long time (9 years). I know that the disaster that was trying to have sex with my girlfriend could have been caused (in part) for anxiety, but I was expecting better results given the time I been clean.
I'm still decided to not use porn again and to solve my problem, but right now I don't know if I have to wait more time for my brain to heal or if I have to do something else or... if I have been doing something wrong during these three months.
I'm sorry for the long post but I think I needed to write all that. I hope this helps people with the same problem to understand that it is possible to stop using porn, that it actually get easy after a few weeks. Also, that not all of us get the same results in the same amount of time, so be patient like I'm trying to be right now. If someone has something to say about my experience, maybe a little advise or explanation for the things I have lived, I would be really happy to read them.