Masturbation without using porn. How does it affect recovery ?

Submitted by ydrohoos7 on
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Hello to everyone :)
My question here is how would masturbation to a real potential partner affect my recovery.
I have not watched porn for a over 40 days but I have been occasionally masturbating to a real possible partner.
Over the last 40 days i masturbated without orgasm thinking of this person (maybe 9-10 times).
Yesterday however, although i did not want to, i ejaculated in the process.
I tried to hold back when i felt that orgasm was imminent but unfortunately it was too late and i ejaculated.
This has made me sad and i am not sure how it has affected my recovery.

Is it actually bad to masturbate while thinking of someone (with or without orgasm)?
I have not been thinking about anything crazy or any porn related stuff.
Just this girl and real possible scenarios of lovemaking between me and her.

hi ydrohoos7

This FAQ touches upon it - What if I "edge" or watch porn without orgasm?

This FAQ talks about fantasizing - What about fantasizing during a reboot?

The guys here will tell you to leave it alone. The fastest and easiest path seems to be no masturbation. Fooling around will only increase dopamine, restlessness, and chances for relapse. Some men with partners have mixed in occasional sex, but they tended to be older men who did not start using porn at the same time they started masturbation.

Hi Gary, thanks for your

Hi Gary, thanks for your reply.

I have read your firs link but i could not quite understand whether it was talking about edging with porn or edging without porn...
On the second link it seems too be suggested that any type of fantasy with masturbation is not good for the recovery process.

Do you think that now i have ejaculated with fantasy and the previous times that i have masturbated with fantasy and not ejaculated, mean that i will have to start all over again ?

NO to starting over.

nearly everyone relapses, often several times. If masturbation, orgasm, or watching porn knocked everyone back to the starting line, most would never make it. You have already accomplished a lot of brain healing. Just keep going.

The first link was mostly porn use, but can be applied to masturbation. I gues it depends on your goals. If you have ED, then keeping masturbation in th picture produces a long tough road. If you don't have ED, and you just want to stop porn, then as long as you don't watch porn, you have accomplished your goal. However, most guys get better/faster rebooting results with no masturbation.

bad news and good news ;)

hi yrohoos7
masturbating without orgasm, so-called 'edging' is not good for your recovery. It can potentially lead to relapse.
masturbating with fantasy - even to a real partner - in my case, it makes the way longer and harder.
since I have a lot of casual sex opportunities, and I'm not always able to say no, I can also tell you that this is not the best path.
all of these make rebooting longer and more difficult.
I made 9 weeks but had small porn relapses, some edging, some masturbation with fantasy, some casual sex (with erectile dysfunctions thrown in). So now I've reset the counter, but I'm keeping the 9 weeks in the back of my head. They're not lost.
And what other good news? you're not alone, man Wink
all the best!

Thanks Gary, Yes i do have

Thanks Gary,

Yes i do have ED, and this issue has turned me from a very confident, go-getter type of guy into a depressed and despondent shadow.
I have been battling it for years now and i do believe that porn has not helped.
The problem with me is that when an ED episode happens it gets me unbelievably depressed. In fact this issue is the root cause of my depression which has been part of my life for as long as i have had problems in the bedroom. There have not been too many instances in my life where ED has occurred. In general i have had much more successes than failures. Still though, the performance anxiety has persisted and has left a huge scar in my psyche.
Whenever i was fine in the bedroom i was always in much better moods and closer to my real self.

I will share my story in a post sometime as it has some interesting correlation with the principal theories of this site and
Primarily on the loss of libido and ED issues.

What also concerns me is that one day when i was very depressed (2 years ago) i switched on to watch some porn and masturbate and i could not even get it up for that !!!!! Could not get it up for porn....WOW. This had never happened before and has entered the picture since. Sometimes i cannot even get it up for Porn. I can now get it up to masturbate most of the time but my dick is not as reliable as it was two years ago. Enjoyable masturbation with a huge hard-on had always been a certainty... Well, not anymore ..... And that is definitely scary.

So, for me it is kind of difficult not to test at all if the equipment is working. It is so scary not knowing how my tool is doing or whether it will ever function normally without me freakin out all day and all night and fucking up my whole life in the processes.

I am 31 years old by the way.

the vicious circle

yeah, I know that feeling, wrote about it in an earlier post -
you start to masturbate to porn, you get ed with a partner, so you become insecure, masturbating seems a way to confirm to yourself you can get an erection, but you become more addicted to porn, the next thing you know it goes wrong with a real woman again, so you become really anxious, that's when you start having ed even while masturbating... and on and on.
the only way out of it - get clean man. no porn. no masturbation. no fantasy. no casual sex. replace those with things that count - simple pleasures of life, things you can do for yourself, to make your life go forward.
I'm 44 btw.
the pain in the ass is that there is no guarantee how fast no PMO will bring your normal sex life back - maybe it will never be again entirely normal - but on the other hand, it may very well work out, check out the numerous (Marnie, how many, would you say?) experiences here. And that is soooo much better than porn/ED/problems with people, with your life that you can't cope with because you escape into addiction.
hope this gives you some good energy - it does to me. you gotta believe it's possible, and be aware how very very much better a healthy life is.

good luck and love to all

There are lots of

recovery stories here:

and here:

It's normal for the ED to creep into porn use eventually. The progression is often "delayed ejaculation" with a partner, ED with a partner, ED with porn.

But it's *most* unlikely there is anything wrong with your "manhood." All that has happened is that your brain has been overstimulated and is a bit unresponsive to normal stimuli. Brain's are plastic, and just as you created the brain changes that are causing the problem, you can reverse them.

Remember...reproduction is your body/brain's top priority. So you will almost certainly recover if you give yourself a long enough rest from PMO and fantasy.

Be optimistic!

Scheduled ejaculation?

After confession of serial infidelity, I embarked on a reboot (no ejaculation, but accidental edging with wife) for 45 days.
Now at day 61, and have commited to wife to a planned ejaculation scheme (she won't have sex with me) of 2x/wk. I used to be a 2x/day guy, so feel it is a credible commitment. Is it?

Having difficulty fighting temptation (on trips, etc), is it okay/advisable to up to 3x/wk with wife notification?