What’s the difference? Is addiction a manifestation of OCD or vice versa? Can they operate together and separately?
I’ve noticed with the changes that came this year that my brain gets very focused on one source of dopamine. This source is usually sexual and not porn or vandalism masturbation. My brain has upped the ante. That sought dopamine can flip flop as long as there is one option to focus on. It only seems to blur during the switching. This seems more OCD like. Even porn will not hijack this seeking. It's never the hit. I watch these cravings with a chuckle. Fighting them is like temporary withdrawal, maybe worse. I see how my brain is trying to distract me from all the other tasks I don’t want to do so that I can do those tasks without noticing as much that I don’t want to do them. The brain is sneaky as can be. It will try everything, seeking sleep, seeking stimulants, various binging, etc. all with the purpose of kicking me over the edge to get that dopamine fix. It’s an all-out attack from multiple fronts. This dopamine fix is entirely unsatisfying beyond the meager pleasure/pain of that moment. It doesn’t serve any real purpose. Why doesn’t the brain get as focused on useful pursuits? I could be out socializing and have little interest in the interaction. Then I’m home and my brain starts to drive me nuts. I can get hyperfocused on projects at times. I guess this is the same circuitry in use then. I seem to have little control over it. All these years living with this brain and it’s as untamed as any wild creature. Maybe I have to stop trying to tame it. Keep a list of stuff to do, and when these cravings come look at the list and let my brain run anyway it wants within those confines. I’m not sure it will go. It will probably just get sneakier.
Whatever this madness is, it is different and so I see it as progress. If I could shift this seeking to real women...maybe I should be careful about what I want. I'd like this stage to move on because it is very tough to get anything productive done when like this.