Socializing diet

Submitted by freedom on
Printer-friendly version

Has anyone tried intentional periods of no socializing? I've adjusted my life to be a lot more social than in other times in the sense of trying to find groups I might like and like-minded people. For the most part, it's been a dismal failure and unsatisfying so I'm thinking about trying a contrary approach that hopefully won't atrophy my social muscles. It might look something like this. I will not seek socializing or go to any group events/meetings/meetups etc. unless personally? invited. Instead, I will focus on quality interactions in daily life. I will stay open to one-on-one interactions as I find them or they find me. With the time gained, I will go out on my own to be in the world in some manner. I'm not sure exactly how that might look. This could be strange because at the moment my daily life doesn't involve much socialization beyond this seeking. In some ways, this seems like a reversion to my past. I sense I'm onto something that I can't quite pinpoint at the moment. It might be more satisfying in a way to sit in a coffee shop and read and observe others and maybe interact if someone seems interesting than to go to forced interaction events. Of course, by doing this I might not socialize at all which isn’t good or at least that seems to be what the conventional wisdom suggests. The parts of random socializing I most enjoy are the post-event interactions on a more personal level. Perhaps I can skip the less fulfilling parts and get more of the satisfying interactions. Events are doing focused and while enjoyable for content are not enough about interacting, which seems more about being.

Any thoughts or suggestions? Maybe hermits don't have things entirely wrong.


Egh, I don't get it this time

Egh, I don't get it this time:

What is holding me back or causing me pain?
Is there something I need to be alert to in my situation?
What insight will help me at this time?

Maybe I'm not thinking of the correct search terms. I'm surprised how little is coming up when trying. This is too simple to be novel. So far I can find #287 or p282 at

Right. Much of the time I'm

Right. Much of the time I'm not fishing so maybe that's an aspect of what I'm saying. I'm revising the mission to focus less on socializing and more on fishing whatever that entails. I'm at a loss as to how to figure that out. Maybe it will come to me despite being unclear all these years. Maybe I have to do some harder work to create a lifestyle that baits the suitable fish.

My generation is terrible at socializing. Our brains are scattered, phones are buzzing, etc. Getting humans one on one where they can focus on each other is tricky. And even when that happens, we seem to have only empathy and helping as tools at our disposal. We seem to have lost the art of presence. Getting others to do something together in 3D is hard enough. Getting them to just share space is near impossible. I suspect that a hundred years ago that would have been quite different.

This is hard and frustrating.

This is hard and frustrating. It might be easier if I did no socializing. I'm still doing some and so still drawn into things I hear about. I can waste quite a bit of time and brain resources in the battle between going and not going. It's somewhat like withdrawal. Life was easier years ago when I just didn't socialize much and didn't need to juggle this. I sense I'm aiming for the point where I don't look to socialize and instead either invite people (which often fails due to their busyness) or have people invite me (which rarely happens). Perhaps I need less busy friends or just to be busier myself. There are some that latch on to me and nag me to hang out because I somehow fulfill some role in their lives. I want symbiotic and I seem to attract parasitic relationships. Something about my model is as broken as it's ever been.

Socializing has gotten too big and novel and thus can be its own addition. It's easier to say no to things I've been to before. The repeats can at times be more satisfying.

These same thoughts are being

These same thoughts are being triggered. I'm pondering how to escape feeling loops. Folks talk about getting out of one's head and into one's body. What if the body too is going in these loops? What if the mental loops are a response to the body and not the other way around? It seems more this way that thought leading body. I miss simpler times when I needed little other than to go ride my bike or catch a matinee movie by myself. The simple solitude seemed nice in a way. Trying to function amid dysfunction is still dysfunction. And yet, somehow as I socialize more, I'm seen a tad, then demanded, and the viscous circle goes on. At least this is a distraction from "not porn" thinking.

Observe people who are living

Observe people who are living healthy (or just healthier) social lives and see what they are doing. Try to put yourself in places where they are and you'll pick up on it over time. You can always find things wrong with people... But you can always find things right about them too!

I need more socializing myself. I've kind of weeded people out recently due to finals and my addiction, but I am feeling the need. I hear you on the parasitic relationship thing. Sounds like some barebones addiction problems. Keep hacking at it!

Such people seem challenging

Such people seem challenging to find. Who am I to know what is healthier? Have I ever known this? I'm focused on the right in people. I'm mostly sense the vibe and my energy levels from interacting with them. Perhaps I need to seek out those who allow me some breathing room to exist. Many people have trouble letting me appear and are thus too draining.

It could be underlying addictive societal aspects that I'm noticing. Or maybe I just want people I can grow with instead of one person growing on top of the other.