Sensitization. This would be the "buzz" I get every time I see any photo, commercial, billboard or advertisement that is even remotely sensual. Most of the time they are not even meant to be arousing. For example, an Old Navy commercial. The woman are fully clothed, showing no cleavage or anything yet I instantly get this buzz or rush in my heart/mind that is similar to looking at porn.
Many years ago I would smoke Meth and then watch porn for hours... even DAYS straight. That is NOT an exaggeration by any means. Even before I had the internet I would literally travel to every porn shop in the city. The high I would get from this was through the roof. Even THINKING of it now I get this sensitization feeling in my heart that makes my heart pound even though I have been away from Meth for 10 years. The dopamine rush from meth combined with porn I would argue is extremely dangerous and I wonder if it messed with my brain in such a way that would cause me too permanently have these feelings of sensitization.
I hate this feeling! I hate it because I immediately get fixated on "what could be" if I were to see porn again. It is like a rekindling of love... rekindling love for PORN. AHHH!
Today is day 61 of being porn free (though I did masturbate some time in between without porn)and it feels the "sensitization" feeling I get from these non-erotic images/commercials are getting stronger. I nearly relapsed yesterday thinking of how high I could get off a porn binge session. Instead I drank some chamomile tea and fell to sleep after staring at the ceiling for an hour.
Has anybody conquered this feeling? How long did it take you? Any advice?