So I've lost count of exactly how many days it's been since I looked at porn, but I know that it was on or around November 23 when I last looked at porn. Well, earlier today (July 7) I finally caved in. Life has been stressful lately. Tough new job, been screwing things up lately. I'm kind of involved with a girl, but things between us are not so great (that's a really long story, I don't want to get into it). My closest friends have been busy lately and I haven't been able to vent to them about anything going on. I have been having porn flashbacks / dreams at night for the last 2 weeks, I don't know why, but in any case, today I caved in. It was Saturday, got upset with the girl over something, and I just couldn't say no to the porn.
I indulged in the porn and allowed myself to feel better. I MO'd four times to porn today, and might do it again before I go to bed. It just felt so good to relieve the pressure. I just haven't had anyone to talk to lately about how stressed I've been, and I've been spending too much money lately to go and drink my problems away like I have been. So I just downloaded some free porn. I don't know what's going to happen next, this may be a one day thing or it may be a slide back down into the abyss. Who knows. I kind of don't care anymore. I'm losing faith in my ability to maintain (or even attract) a girl, so I kind of just don't care anymore.