Hi everyone! Im new to this whole forum thing but i feel like i need to share progress with people that understand and hopefully recieve some feedback and guidance!
Ill keep it as short as i can because ive seen some really long ones!
Basically im a 20yo male, that is fit and eats a good diet. I have very low body fat due to a fast metabolism and i have a physically demanding job. I found porn at around the age of 13-14. I lost my virginity at the age of 20, long story short... i fell in love with someone at the age of 16 - 18 and didnt touch any girls in the time i had feelings for her. i wanted to wait for someone special. At 18 i started to go clubbing (i live in aus) trying to pick up girls. I had NO success for 2 years, and i used to masterbate to porn alot. Most of the time it would be 1-3 times a day, sometimes up to 5 times (not because i was addicted, but mainly to pass time because i was bored) and sometimes i would go a week without even thinking about it. I used to be able to masterbate to sexual thoughts and everything.. The weird thing was after i lost my virginty i could last anywhere up to an hour. Sometimes i had to finish myself off... I never gave it much thought, other than that i thought i was gods gift to women because i could last so long, but i was wrong. In this time I continued making out with various girls and acheiving erections on the dance floor while intoxicated with ease. But recently I started seeing a girl... and it took a while before we tried to have sex. Every time we made out i would get a boner, even at the sight of her sometimes.. I was really horny all the time so i was masterbating alot in order to make sure id last longer when it did happen. I never really put much thought into it, but the porn i was watching to begin with didnt turn me on as much. I had to go to alternative things to get a kick. The night before she came over was the last time i masterbated. I remember being disapointed at only having a 85% erection. The night she came over we made out for 4 hours and i had a semi. When my praents finally fell asleep we tried to have sex but i couldnt get it hard enough for penetration! I didnt know what was happening. I put it down to tiredness. Then the next day we tried but i couldnt get it up (only a semi) because i was anxious about whether or not it would work.
And so begins my no masterbation tale:
Day 1 and 2 - I felt like penis was dead but I tried to masterbate to thoughts but could only get a semi. It lasted about 2 seconds then died. I bought some horny goat weed because i really like her and i can see this going somewhere special (there is a huge backstory but i wont go into that unless requested)
Day 3 -7 I stopped trying to masterbate because i didnt want to be disapointed with it not working, however on day 4 i saw her, and ended up being about 90% hard, and she gave me a blow job till orgasm. I had horny goat weed before hand.
Day 7-9 I had commited to not masterbating and not watching porn as i found yourbrainonporn.com I
started having semi morning erections, about 50% but I kept waking up with blue balls, must have been having big night erections
I saw her on day 9 and we made out for ages and i got another decent erection and really turned on! I got a handjob till i came
On day 12 we saw eachother again and we had sex. After so long of not masterbating my peformance was nothing to be proud of. I lasted about 20 seconds before i could feel my orgasm start... but i held off and lasted maybe 10-15 minutes. The funny thing was i was ready to go again after 5 minutes. I had horny goat weed before hand again.
Day 13-16 I didnt see her at all, and didnt masterbate. I woke up with morning erections. Horny goat weed was causing severe anxiety attatcks so i stopped taking it. I started feeling depressed and really frustrated as i had no sex drive, and nothing was turning me on.
Day 17 - She came over to my house and we watching TV. I got an erection after a short make out session and she gave me a blowjob. I then got another erection later and she gave me a handjob, both till orgasm. I had stopped taking horny goat weed on a daily basis and only started taking it before i saw her.
Day 19- 22. Started feeling a slight return in libido and thoughts of having sex had an effect on my penis, i could feel something.. but it never turned into an erection, or even a semi for that matter...
Day 23 - I took horny goat weed during the day and she came over later that night. We had sex before a party and i lasted about 2 minutes. Then after the party (and a decent amount of alcohol) we had sex again and i lasted for about 30 minutes. We had sex again in the morning and i lasted the same.
Day 24 - My sex drive plumetted.
Day 25 - My sex drive still down but saw her and managed to get an erection from just kissing. it wasnt hard enough for penetration most of the time ( we didnt try but i just knew) but sometimes it got hard enough, when she rubbed it. but then went back to a 70%er when she stopped.
Day 26- Im coming to terms with whats going on. I hate having no sex drive, as i havent felt this way for someone in a long time. I dont want my lack of performance to stop something special, however i think she has similar things going on in her head... She stops sex when i know i can perform but then it leaves me thinking "what if im not working next time"
In summary - The past few weeks have been a mixture of highs and lows. The lows being really bad anxiety attack filled days and waking multiple times during the night. The highs were amazing! I felt so happy and content. I havent told her what i think my problem is, i know i could and she would be understanding as we are really close and can talk about anything... but i just dont feel the need to yet... In the times we have been having "fun" sessions i have always pleasured her as much as i can, and as much as she will let me. (incase you thought i was being selfish with the previous details) About 90% of mornings i would wake up with a 60%er, and sometimes could turn it into a 90%. I never masterbated though. I am still yet to have a 100% erection and its killing me.
One thing ive noticed which scares me is sharp pain in the gouche area, only sometimes, but i think its because my hips are sore from sex/work ( i have really tight muscles which have caused this in the past) And sometimes i feel like i have blue balls/been hit in the balls for no reason :S im thinking about seeing a doc though. Ill keep you updated as much as possible! Hopefully my story can help someone that is in a similar situation,
Any advice is appreciated!!! thanks in advance
PS - I think orgasming, even though its from her stimulation is slowing my process down?