My husband and I have been together for 15 years. The first 7 year of marriage where horrible because he was always out partying with his friends, but after some counseling, the last 7 years have been relatively good. Last week he dropped a bomb on me. We are pretty strong Christians. Porn has been a real problem for us a few times in the beginning of our marriage. It made me feel not good enough and like he would rather look at those girls than me. Also he had a couple of girls in particular that he would fantisize about and watch their movies over and over. Through our time in counseling we had worked through those issues and he assures me he was done, even went as far as to put software on our computers. From time to time I would bring it up and he would assure me that he was not looking at porn anymore. Last week I caught him M in the shower. This seemed so crazy to me because we have sex almost every night and sometimes in the morning as well. After I caught him he would not talk to me for 3 days. I could not figure out what was going on. Finally he was ready to come talk to me and admitted that he has been looking at porn the whole time and never stopped. He new how to get around the software and used it as a way to keep me feeling secure. He said he would generally go a week or two (sometimes three weeks or even a month) and then he would binge on it for day's in a row. This would generally happen while I was out of town or gone to work. He would M and watch it at home, at work, in the car, where ever. He also admitted to me that he has been to the stripp club several times and kissed 3 girls and fingered one. (all of the girl incidents happed durring the beginning of the marriage, so it is old to home but new to me.) He wants a fresh start and wants to be free of porn and lies that sex has caused in our marriage. We are going to do a 90 day "reset" for both of us to heal and recover. I need advice on how to do this. The current plan is that he can't even have sex with me. We failed the first two nights but are going to keep trying. I need a plan of action. Can someone please tell me what to do here? How do I help my husband?
Also, it may need to be stated that although my sex drive is extremely high, I have some arousal issues. Do u think that could play into his porn problem? The sex we have is far from mild, and he has always told me how amazing it is. But naturally I think part of this could be my fault. I have gained weight over the years and feel horribly insecure. (This has really not been good for my issues with that) I tend to try to over compensate by being wild in bed.
Any advise, stories, or hope would be awesome. I will do what ever it takes.