I'm not sure about the right forum, but it's connected to Karezza as well. If there is a better forum, just put my topic there.
First of all, I like to thank Marnia and Gary for their work and efforts, you are doing a great work, and you are something like pioneers. You helped me - and others of course - a lot.
Being around 50 and having used internet porn for some years, I got a sort of addiction and ED as well - often not getting hard, and no orgasm during PIV. When lying in hospital/sickbed and searching about ED, I found a link to YBOP and decided to reboot. After 30 days everything was working well, according to my age. I often had sex with my wife, and was able to orgasms in any position (a miracle compard to before). During the last weeks we had sex even every 2nd day or so, and with PIV orgasm - during rebooting we had karezza (out of ED reasons).
During rebooting I have given up PMO (no relapse), smoking, and drinking alcohol.I lost about 40 pounds of weight, so my wife started thinking to get tighter clothes for me. I didn't masturbate to orgasm and edged only two time to find out, if everytime is working down under. As I knew that it would work, I didn't continue further.
I was really balanced, didn't argue with others - as I have done before. I was able to smile when my wife strated nagging. I worked hard to do more household dutys and had more time for my children. I started as well to look for more cleanness and hygiene. I started to play the violin again - you see a lot has changed. I also used Bonding Behaviours, and had more time for my wife and we were very close.
Someone could think everything went nice and I was developing to be a good and honoured husband. And that even the theory about porn addiction; rebooting and bonding was working well.
But then I became aware that I was getting some kind of tiredness and fatigue, first just relaxed stillness, but then even neediness and cravings for being close to my wife, for tenderness, and sex. Reading about the hormone roller coaster, I started to think about orgasms and to avoid them by using karezza. I talked to my wife, but she said something about one can imagine and read and talk about things too often, and then they would come true - like self-fulfilling prophecy. Means - me looking for an excuse for being lazy and unmotivated.
As well lying in bed and trying to cuddle, my wife seemed not to react at all, or only if I asked her to comfort and to stroke me. I had her explained about the BB. I also told her about the advantages of karezza and scheduling sex. First she was against it, but later she agreed about a certain day of her choice. On that evening she delayed to come to bed (somehow a habit, leaving me waiting) and then feeling tired and having that "dead man" attitude.
This attitude extended as well to BB. She just being still and leaving me initating and doing everything. I felt like I was molesting her. So I tried to talk about that. She told me that she doesnt belive in orgasms having influence at human performanc (If, than only positive). And again, me using that issue as an excuse for me being lazy. And as well only reading and talking all that stuff and joining all those forums and so on. Not talking about anything else (which was not true, a I even asked how to engage more in household duties and how to work off unfinished matters and lots of other stuff). And she was really agitated and loud.
I tried to explain as much as possible, and she said, If i need to have a reaction from her, than I would get some. As I told her that i would not force her to something, but like to have her comittment to try out that ideas, she gave me no answer.
Okay, no oxytiocin left over on both sides. I have worked on my rebooting and to have a good relationship to my wife for weeks! And now I'm getting in the state that every time I'm comming close to my wife, I am fearing to touch her or to remark something, I'm now somehow frustrated. I told her, that I'm not changing my mind about BB and Karezza, but that I will not start anything in that direction, if she is not willing. If she is willing, It's her turn now and she shoud get in gear with it.
Sure, there is some "thick air" between us, but I can't continue like I've done until now. And still I'm asking me: I have done this much, and so much has changed in my and our life! Other wifes would have done heaven knows what else, if their husband would let one single item like smoking, PMOing, excess eating, or alcohol....? And I did all of that! Whats wrong with us? She seems as well sad about the situation, but still reacting angrily at any remark from me. Yes, and she is not that type of person to start things easily.
Any idea or remark? Thanks for reading!
FYI: I'm now on my 53th day of reboot, and was in hospital before that 6 weeks - with few chance to PMO, but I had some...