Avoiding orgasm and ejaculation is very difficult! Can you help me? I'm doing it wrong i think

Submitted by Yuuichi on
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Well, i've been trying my best with Karezza. The way i'm doing this is to give my girlfriend all the orgasms she desires. But i don't have any orgasms or ejaculations at all. I think that if i experience even greater pleasure while having sex without orgasm, then i could persuade my girlfriend to forgo orgasms too. But at the moment i am fine with how it is going - when she orgasms, her face is so adorable!

Both Tantric sex and Karezza teach us how to have sex without orgasm. But it is feeling impossible to me! When i went for a few weeks of no orgasm, my penis was as hard as a rock and very sensitive. When i inserted it in her vagina, i feel like i could ejaculate and orgasm within those few seconds! So i had to go much slower (which Karezza says is a good idea).
I spent more time looking into my girlfriend's eyes and kissing her everywhere. After a few minutes of going really slowly, i simply couldn't hold it in anymore and i had to ejaculate. It wasn't so enjoyable for me because i had to keep my muscles really tense the whole time. If i relaxed just one moment, i would ejaculate right then. It wasn't so good for her, because i was all tense and concentrating on not ejaculating. So i couldn't give her orgasms.

How do you do it? I know Karezza sex is meant to be relaxed, and arousal is meant to be quite low. I tried breathing deeply, but as soon as i went inside her, my penis seemed to have its own mind and wanted to ejaculate. And i don't know how to control it :(

Lastly, how do you stop? Since you can't have orgasm to finish sex, i assumed you just keep on going until the action of holding in the semen becomes so unbearable, you'll have to pull out before you burst something? That's what i did, but that's probably wrong.

P.s. A thread posted a few months before this talks about using the 'three finger method'. I tried that, but i'm not sure if that's a healthy thing to do to keep putting strain on that area. It works the first few times you want to orgasm, but it afterwards becomes harder. I'm very unsure about this whole thing. I don't want to get problems in that area as an old man from all that pressing, pushing and holding!

here's what I do

I relax and focus on my root.

I monitor my arousal.

If I'm getting too close I stop or slow down.

The pleasure I get now is off the charts. It is better than it used to be with orgasm. But it took some time to get here.

To me it's all about relaxing the root, NOT clenching the muscles there in the pelvic floor but relaxing them and staying relaxed even in escalated high degrees of arousal.

And by the way, I don't force anything. I don't try to avoid an ejaculation that is already happening. Over the past year "accidents" have been rare. I've ejaculated a few times on purpose, and a few times I was surprised. But regardless, if it happens I just enjoy it and move on.

Congratulations on being a man who is trying this stuff out.



Thank you, i think the key is

Thank you, i think the key is to relax FIRST. Not later. I was trying to get calm after i was already really aroused. But it's really hard to get calm by then.

When do you stop having sex, if you don't orgasm? Do you keep going before you die of hunger? Haha :P

Relaxed is Key

So many guys have this point of view that it is their job to "make" the woman orgasm. In truth, this is often just another kind of self-centered point of view. When the goal is simple to extend love and tenderness to a woman, all those concerns melt away.

I personally know many men who actually gauge their "worth" on how many orgasm they can make the woman have, like it is a contest. The trouble with this is that the women end up feeling like they're in a competition, so if they have 6 orgasms this time, the guy needs to make her have 7 the next time, and on it goes.

It is so much more enjoyable to shift the focus away from any kind of goal and just relax into her body. In this way, as a man, you are beginning to communicate a whole new level of sexual expression, one that actually gives the woman (and yourself) what you truly long for, a sense of connection. Isn't that what a sexual relation should really be about.

The mechanics of retention of semen are only an issue at the beginning, when you are still tense and unsure how to make love in a relaxed way. Emerson said it well, about not clenching or tensing, and relaxing the root.

My goal used to be...

to make her cum so hard she passed out. I have gotten very close to that a few times, where her O's were so strong and long that she could no longer feel her feet or hands, and had to just lie there for as much as 30 minutes before she could get up. Yes, I used to think a measure of my manliness was how strong and often I could make her O. New revelations about the nature of O and its effect on both men and women has caused a complete re-evaluation...hence Karezza.


Best way to learn something. "The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom," as Blake said. Smile

Did your wife notice any fatigue or irritability during the days following? It's tough to make the connection, but some women do.

use the circulation.

Along with stopping to breathe together, use the energy circulation as given. In five minutes it resets your genitals to a calmer state by moving that intensity out and distributing it throughout your body..