
I am the full time care giver for my wife, I am 63 years old, wife is 69. We stopped any form of physical intimacy over a decade ago. She is OK with me getting physical satisfaction outside the home, as long as there is no emotional content. Recently I have wondered if I am a sex addict as I crave intimacy and will sometimes want touch and sex 2 or 3 times a week. This is not good for my emotions or my wallet. But I dont know what to do about it.
Any conversation would be greatly appreciated...
Redwing
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Not sure anyone here
can shed any light on your circumstances.
Any chance you two could work on the touch issue? Have a look at this piece: The Lazy Way to Stay in Love
caregiving/addiction
thanks for the article, actually there have been a few articles I have read on here today that are very useful, thanks for being here, I look forward to trying Karezza in the future..
Enjoy your explorations
Let us know how things go.
solo
I see now why you felt this site may not have an answer for me. The "cure" for what ails me takes having a partner, and because of my wife's illnesses I do not have one. An interesting challenge, lol.
I am coming out of many years of trying to deal with my sex issues by buying time with providers. This has not helped at all. So it is looking like celibacy is the only way, luckily being an older man it wont be to bad, right...
So back to reading the wonderful articles on this site and trying to surrender to my fate...
R
What about
finding a way to do some cuddling even if your wife is ill? This guy's experience might inspire you:
http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/2008/12/touch-may-counter-alzheimer...
cuddling is pretty awesome anyway you slice it.
you have a good heart.
hug her.
i believe if there is any thing that last past our lifespan it's the love we put out during life.
all the best...
thanks!
Thanks for the comments, as soon as the latest injury to wife, (broken arm) is better I will try cuddling, it is scary though she also has advanced osteoporosis, so have to be careful all the time...
R
Well, you could
start with a foot massage if she's feeling uncomfortable. Bonding behaviors tend to "build" on each other. Within a few days, you should notice increased harmony, even if you don't get off to a great start.
Let us know how it goes.
Touch
[quote=1950redwing]We stopped any form of physical intimacy over a decade ago.[/quote]
Do you mean you stopped having sex or you stopped touching altogether (outside your role as 'caregiver', that is)?
touching
we stopped all sexual touching, still hug when she is not ill or tired etc....I am really working on letting my physical need go, I may have got myself a little out of balance over the years, so am getting back to the middle path of accepting what is, instead of hoping things will "improve". She enjoys non sexual/sensual touch fully clothed, will try the foot massage, thanks for that Marnia...:-)
Redwing
It's a time of life
that requires a lot of courage and acceptance. Good luck with making the adjustment.
As for the foot massage, there are lots more ideas if you click in the lefthand margin, under my book: Bonding Behaviors &
Exchange of the Day Each time you refresh that page, a new idea will appear.
Libido
[quote=1950redwing].I am really working on letting my physical need go, I may have got myself a little out of balance over the years, so am getting back to the middle path of accepting what is, instead of hoping things will "improve". Redwing[/quote]
When I reflect on choice in this matter, I often think of this quote from George Melly, an english jazz musicion:
"I woke up one morning and I'd lost it, Libido was gone, gone dear boy. It was like being un-chained from a lunatic!"
I always thought this was original to him, but apparently Plato, in The Republic, has Sophocles say that the end of sexual yearning is like escaping from a vicious tyrant, usually quoted as "being unchained from a lunatic".
It sounds like your lunatic has been running the show. How easily you can unchain yourself from him, voluntarily, is anyone's guess. I'm only a bit younger than you, and my lunatic is still with me; for the most part, I find him a delightful companion, but I do try to keep him on a short leash.
As you seem to have made your mind up, I hope it goes well for you. I don't know enough about your circumstances to intuit whether naked, or partially naked, as opposed to clothed, cuddling is a possibility, but I've found they satisfy quite different parts of me, in very different ways.
change
well it is time for a change...my partner whom I care give for has OK'd me finding a sex partner. This is going to be interesting...
At 63 it has been a while since I have thought of myself as "available", and I suppose to many folks I won't really be.
I have been experimenting with solo karezza, I really enjoy it, and am having a two hour Tantric massage this Thursday and the practitioner is interested in the idea of of a session with no orgasm...it should be interesting.
I am sure it will take a while to find the right situation to actually connect with an available, willing woman, but its been 15 years, so I guess I can take it...
I will report back...;-)
Red
what do you do for solo karezza?
curious...thanks!
Good luck
with your adventure.
solo karezza
well, have to be careful here, having read about "edging" while masturbating....
Basically it is just that slow masturbate, not getting anywhere near orgasm, just enjoying the sensation
of stroking for a while...
I am looking forward to my "Tantric" session....
And my adventure, although I have some rebooting to do before I actually will pursue that...
Red
OK, wrong turn here...
so, got into the text of Cupid's Poisoned Arrow, also did a lot of reflecting on my
desires and situation...
Solo Karezza is for me Metta, or loving kindness meditation. I have noticed an in credible
change in my relationship with my wife. I know there can never be intimacy of a sexual kind
again, but the heart connection is wonderful...
As for the GF, that may come after I have totally stopped masturbating and having any
kind of erotic massage...need to really cool down the craving for touch/orgasm
Thanks for a great web site, even though I can only use some of the ideas, the spirit
of Karezza really does work, for me anyway...
Red
That's great to hear
I hope all the pieces fall in place for you.
It's definitely interesting that libido often balances itself when we don't overdo it. Counter-intuitive, but convenient.
I tried to write about this here: Sexual Fantasy: The More You Scratch the More You Itch, but I'm not sure I captured the concept very well.
Looking forward to your story as you go.
Fantasy...
Thanks for the article, certainly rang true for me...guess I must be ready for this...;-)
Red
ps: my wife commented today on how affectionate I had become...gotta love it
It's amazing
how nourishing affection can be, for both partners. Just continue to "enjoy the ride." Who knows how things will shake out?