(Darryl) A woman asked me this question:
I need great chemistry if I am to enter a relationship with someone. I think I found someone like that now and it may even be mutual, but he has a girlfriend (we are just friends). And even if he didn't I'm not sure, despite our chemistry, he would be right for me in the long run... Now, I met someone else who seems interested, and I am interested too, but not in the way I am in the other guy (right from the start). Would love your input.
I am more than happy to share with you my personal view and experiences. From my perspective, which is within a long term relationship, I say that compatability is far more important than chemistry. I think a certain amount of attraction is important, but the whole idea of that "one and only", the "fall in love" experience is way, way overrated. When you fall in love and the sparks fly, you can just as easily fall out of love when the other person does something you don't like. As you get to really know them, there will be things you don't like. When you develop love for someone, which takes time, you see and accept all of them. You love them even though they can be a pain in the ass, and we are all pains in the ass at least some of the time.
The interesting thing about chemistry is, it's not between two people; it's just inside you. It's only your chemicals firing off inside your body and brain. The other person is just the trigger that gets those chemicals going. The chemical part will fade in time, and then you'll have to see if there's good compatability.
A solid meaningful relationship has to be built, and no amount of chemistry will allow a couple to skip that work. Give me compatibility over chemistry any day. Compatability doesn't fade. Both people are who they are and compatability is the foundation. Where as the gas of chemistry only last so long--and then there better be compatability to carry you both through.
The interesting thing about chemistry I have observed is that it seems to actually impair a person's capacity to accurately see and asses the mate they're so in love with. You must have had a friend at some point who was madly in love with someone. Yet when you got to know their "one and only true love," you thought, "How come, (he or she) can't see the whole picture here, can't see the obvious red flags I see?"
As long as there is some genuine warm feelings between you both, and at least a bit of attraction, I'd go for the second guy. I would also talk with him at some point about karezza. For a woman to tell a guy what she wants sexually and have him respond positively is a very good sign. It says he's open to what's important to you and is willing to listen to your feminine intuition and wisdom. Not to mention he would have to consider giving up something that is very dear to every man's heart, the blissful release of orgasm. Just a thought for you.
As far as my wife and I go, you're correct, we never did fall in love with each other, and to me, she is a pure delight, except when she's being a pain in the ass, of course. In fact, we both didn't like each other when we first met. Then at some point she changed her mind, started to subtly pursue me, and I, of course, succumbed. Glad I did, too. I would say our success is based on lots of open communication, and then more communication, a whole lot of common goals, as well as plenty of individual ones (never make you partner the center of your life, that's reserved for you), and copious amounts karezza.
Good luck with your dating prospects, I wish you the best. If I was going to do it all over again I would put meeting my potiential partner's parents high on my 'to do' list. You get a whole lot of information out of that one.