43 years old, been masturbating daily since 13 - Quit 30 days ago

Submitted by JohnQ on
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Well, the title says it...wow! I am a 43 year-old male who has masturbated 1-2 times daily for 30 years...until now. As June 8, 2013 I have quit masturbation cold turkey and only ejaculated (through sex) once in that period (more on that later).

I started masturbating at the age of 13 and remember doing it until my penis literally became raw on occasion. Through my 20s I had a fairly normal libido and remember having sex daily for often more than an hour at a time and being aroused when a girl just got undressed. I got married at 22 then divorced a few months later. At that time I started taking ephedrine Hcl (used to be available OTC) because I worked odd hours and needed to stay awake. Plus the fact that it helped brighten my mood - the few months after the divorce were tough. Throughout my 20s I also used anabolic steroids here and there (I was into bodybuilding) and those two things seemed to squash my libido. I could still react and perform at times but I knew something had changed. I just hadn't put 2 and 2 together and realized the masturbation was a huge part of the problem :)

As far as substance ingestion, I have been very clean for 15+ years. I am on testosterone replacement therapy now because my total T levels have been in the low 200s for several years. I do feel better on the T mentally and my aches and pains are noticeably less.

These days I write software for a living and sit at my desk a lot but I also power walk 3-5 days per week for about 3.5-5 miles each time and I am starting back to the gym as well. I am 5'10" and 240 lbs (I am pretty muscular from my bodybuilding days) but I have a 38-inch waist which I am working on.

I have a new relationship with a wonderful woman who is 43 as well and understands my problem. I explained to her that my libido has lagged for years and I am beginning to understand why. We have had sex 3 times, and although I can get very hard from kissing/touching, it only lasts a couple of minutes and if we have intercourse (which lasts about 5-7 minutes) I have to focus very hard and I am only half erect for most of the time. The orgasm sure feels good though :) She is the reason why I want to correct this problem not to mention the fact that I just need to stop the ridiculous habit of masturbation 1-2 times per day to fantasy. I have never been much of a porn viewer, though some hardcore scenes can certainly excite me as much as anyone. My addiction has been mostly to masturbation and NOT to porn if that makes sense. It has been such a compulsion I don't even know anymore why I ever did it. Sounds crazy - I am an intelligent, rational person with addictive tendencies.

Anyway, I am capable of getting a good erection. I just know that my excessive masturbation for 30 years may be the true cause of my low T, of my eye floaters, my ear ringing, my anxiety. Also, I dipped smokeless tobacco for 25 years and completely gave that up back in April (2+ months ago).

In summary, I am making sweeping changes and I feel good about them! NO more masturbation - EVER! The only way that I will release through orgasm will be with a woman - no exceptions.

Since quitting masturbation on June 8 (30 days ago) my mood has gone up and down and I have been depressed off and on. I feel shame for my habit and my situation and it makes me so angry at myself. My woman is truly a gift from Heaven and is my angel in every way and I often feel angry at myself because I feel she deserves better. I don't normally think this way - I know it's triggered by the removal of masturbation and possibly nicotine from my life. I do feel like my brain is trying to rebalance and it feels strange. I awake with erections during the night about 50% of the time now and some mornings I have an erection while others I do not. When I awake I roll over and think about my special woman (we don't live together) and I feel my penis get about 80-90% erect. I DO NOT touch it or stroke it, just lay there and do kegels while I think about her. I can usually hold an erection in bed for about 10 minutes.

I am going to hang in there if it takes years. I am taking multi-vitamins and a supplement from herballove.com (Curculingo master). So far I haven't felt anything huge, but it does have a good combination of herbs and vitamins.

As of today, I have mental arousal sometimes (i.e. the urge to masturbate but NO erectile response). I just think about something else when that happens. My woman and I plan to rely on kissing and touching for as long as it takes to regain my libido - I hope it doesn't take too long but after 30 years I can't expect to be cured in 60 days :)

I will post every few days with my progress.

Thanks for sharing your story

Sounds like you're doing well. Recovery is not linear. Good days and bad days are normal. You're lucky it was mostly pornless masturbation. That should make for better overall progress.

You know about these forums, right?




Everything we've learned from the men recovering is collected here: www.yourbrainonporn.com

You're welcome to post here, too, but most guys dealing with your issues have moved on to one of those other forums.

This forum is actually about a different approach to sex. In case you would find it useful: Karezza is for addicts (too)

its strange, ever since I hit

its strange, ever since I hit 32 years old, i have this strange urge and desire to ejaculate inside a woman's pussy. Even the thought of it makes me go nuts! Is it because in my 30s my body is telling me it's time to have a baby before its too late??