So 20 days since i last masturbated to "my version" of porn, and 13 days since a wet dream. I was feeling really good yesterday, but today is extremely challenging and confusing. I had morning wood when i woke up, a strong erection. I don't really know if this was a full erection cause it's been so long I've been hooked I no longer even know. Before I continue, I have to mention that my addiction is not to porn, I used to watch videos of girls beating guys in wrestling, this is my huge turn on. I haven't masturbated to actual porn in a long time. So when I woke up with morning wood, it led to thoughts of a probable future sex opportunity. In about 10 day's time, I'm meeting a girl and I expect this will lead to sex.
So I was still in bed, and looked at me penis. It had a strong erection but was at an almost 90 degree angle, I could not get it straight. This tripped me up cause I realized I could not have sex with the girl being on top. If I am in the top position, it is still curved, but nothing that would prevent me from doing my thing. So I went on google to see if any other guys could not be in the bottom position, eventually this got me pretty aroused cause I was thinking of sex with a girl on top, which turns me on. I stopped thinking about it but noticed about half an hour later, a leakage of precum or sperm, don't really know which it was.
For the whole day I've had a minor headache, and the feeling of too much sexual pressure. Now I have had headaches frequently the last 10 days from smoking. I've tried stopping but end up going a day without then chain smoking, which usually gives me a headache.
A part of me thinks that I have relapsed (not fully) because of the arousal and precum/sperm leakage. But I have not thought about the fetish videos that I was/am addicted to, just looking forward to a probable sex encounter. I think it's normal to think about sex occasionally and get aroused, but I'm not really sure what to make of this.
If anyone knows more about this, I would appreciate any help.