Haven't been on here in 5 days and I am starting to see changes now. Things are starting to turn back to normal I'm starting to feel like my old self again at least partially I'm no longer depressed or fighting anxiety and life isn't as grey anymore either. However my porn tastes have been all over the place lately from lesbian to gay to straight they've just been bouncing off the walls lately.Which has lead me close to relapse last night I had a real craving for lesbian no I didn't look up any porn but lead me to look up "hot", material on YouTube. I was so turned on that I actually tried masturbating. I didn't masturbate to the content actually I started and just tried to feel the sensations and they felt really good but after a couple mins of stroking I decided to stop because I didn't know how'd I feel after I orgasmed and I'd rather hold off till later for that. Which leads me to today where I was dangerously close to relapsing by actually going on to the site and actually clicking a video. It took the strength of god himself for me not to look at that video I turned the audio all the way off and never looked at the video and quickly exited off all using willpower. This is dangerous behavior that lead me to my binge in my first reboot have to stop this. But I am proud of myself that I didn't relapse even though the addict in me wanted to grab his "meds". So I didn't watch porn I didn't orgasm I just stroked myself for a while to see how it felt.