Does a wet dream equal failure?

Submitted by lateralus on
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I started Karezza with my girlfriend in april. I quit porn permanently somewhere in 2014 which resulted in me having a restored libido. But I was exhausted by our orgasmic sex, so I convinced her to experiment with not having an orgasm for one month. It was weird at the beginning, but after one month she said that she doesn't want to go back to normal sex anymore. YES! We are constantly drawn to each other, touching, happy. We even had some 'soul orgasms'. Absolutely mindblowing.

As well as taoist sex, Karezza includes semen retetion which seem to preserve sexual energy. But since april, two wet dreams occured. One last month and one this morning. I feel different after it. Like having made a long journey or had a long vacation and arriving back home. The journey could be the dream but could also be the time sexual energy was reserved. But this time, only a small amount of semen came out while the first WD was a full load: I was able to become lucid and prevent a full explosion but there was an orgasm nonetheless. The first time also made me feel lethargic and a failure: I failed at my mission to keep my semen inside. I don't know if this feeling of failure made me feel down the days after, or the actual loss of semen caused it.

First thing I did was trying to find answers. Have I lost my sexual energy? Will I be able to perform Karezza tonight? Is there a difference between a big load and a small load?

Skimming through several texts about taoist practices and Karezza, I got mixed answers. All say orgasm is te be prevented to preserve sexual energy, but on wet dreams there is no consensus. For example, this article: (see: Wet dream and voluntary copulation—A vital difference)

And this:

But the Karezza Method by J. William Lloyd, talks about wet dreams as failure:

What do you think: does a wet dream equal failure in Karezza?

it's not failure

It's just that your sexual energy and fluids are accumulating in your pelvic area. You need to practice drawing up and ciculating this in your microcosmic orbit. Also your urogenital muscles need strengthening. Read mantak chia's Cultivating male sexuality.

a wet dream is necessary

your body wants to relieve itself in this way. Sure it feels crappy afterwards, kind of a rip-off, but there it is. There is a reason for it. Best to accept it, love it, and not resist it.

I think I'm getting better at it this way, when I do come (and I never want to), because resistance and being upset makes the hangover worse I think.


Definitely not a failure

It may be that we live in such a toxic environment that your prostate needs to ejaculate from time to time. Don't worry about it. It doesn't prevent future karezza adventures. Smile

Wet dreams affect different guys different ways - and differently on different occasions: WET DREAMS. So just observe and learn.

thank you...

...for your quick replies!

Taoman. I started reading that book. I skimmed it through first and it seems very complicated stuff ;). There are exercises that help to strengthen the area around the penis, which will prevent wet dream, so that looks promising. Any other recommendations?

Emerson. It does feel crappy. Like three hangovers from alcohol combined. It really feels you lost something. When it happens, it happens. Acceptance is the key, I agree on that. Feeling down about feeling down is probably what's going on right now for the most part.

Marnia. Thank you for the link. The environment has so many stimuli that would trigger a wet dream. It is summer now, women are wearing skirts, that kind of stuff. What, I think, triggered me was a arousing text message from my GF. Practising Karezza, we should not do that stuff I think because it triggers lust and not love.

Just one more thing... I encountered this article:

"If a man has no intercourse with a women, his mind will grow restless and he will yearn for female company....Forcibly suppressing the natural urge to emit semen at certain intervals is not only difficult for a man but will actually make it easier to lose semen. He will lose it during sleep through nocturnal emissions [i.e., wet dreams] ...One emission of semen in this manner is equivalent to the loss suffered by one hundred emissions during normal sexual intercourse."

"For most men, complete abstention from ejaculation is just as harmful as excessive emission. It creates a deep yearning for sex that disrupts the harmony of essence, energy and spirit, and ultimately leads to the even greater loss of sexual essence and energy through the uncontrollable, intense ejaculations caused by 'wet dreams'."

But they do not explain why it is more harmful than a normal ejaculation by sex. But can honestly say that I feel worse after a WD than after sex with orgasm.

My guess is that

they say it's more harmful because there is no exchange with your partner, as in the case of ejaculation with a mate. But I don't really know.

In any case, you have to see what happens in your own laboratory. Many ancient Daoists were great observers, but their accounts conflict. This means you have to find out what's true for you and your partner.

Read this article to get a sense of how things changed among the Daoists over time:


Not a failure

You probably don't have control over your dreams, so why worry about it?

Dream orgasms and nocturnal emissions are two separate things, although they might sometimes come together (so to speak Smile ).

I once had three dream orgasms in one night (without ejaculating), and felt terrible cravings in the next few days. On the other hand, I once had a nocturnal emission that woke me up, and I didn't remember any dream associated with it. And I actually felt surprisingly good that day - better than average.

From our experiences I would

From our experiences I would like to order the after effects as:
multiple orgasms > orgasm> accidental (out of the blue) ejaculation > wet dream

I think wet dreams is very common for the karezza practitioner. The pressure building inside have to be got released someday on its own if you are avoiding ejaculation. I and my wife deliberately experience orgasm once in a every 4 week even still I have wet dream seldom. I even had wet dreams inside my wife when fallen to sleep being connected. I think it's definitely not a failure. You can still remain very much in karezza but have to pay off the depth that you used to have usually.


The whole concept of "failure" bothers me. What is "success" anyways?

I think many of us attribute "failure" with being single. Many of us probably attribute getting into an intimate relationship with a partner that ends in jail time, physical injury or suicide due to violence as being "failure". But does this attitude really help? Those of us who are single or struggle with severe trauma aren't going to find a way to heal ourselves as long as we maintain that attitude.

I think a better attitude is one of experimentation. That way a "failure" becomes an opportunity to learn and heal ourselves and "success" becomes an opportunity to celebrate, share, and help our friends heal themselves. I think we really are "getting it" when we can laugh and celebrate our "failures".

I have met very few people who don't struggle with sexual feelings in one way or another. I think gentleness with each other and ourselves is key to healing at this level.