Honesty and Vulnerability

Aphrodites Chela's picture
Submitted by Aphrodites Chela on
Printer-friendly version

Plan #26 H&V
All of my life I have wanted guarantees. I want to know what I can do to assure the outcome. I made a plan to not approach my Isadora until she approached me first. This plan resided in my head, alone.
We do have a spoken agreement that she will call me to her bed in the morning if she wants that kind of contact It's been weeks). I hear her get up and anxiously await her call. It doesn't come and I am disappointed. She comes downstairs, naked, carrying her clothes to dress by the fire. H&V, from across the room I say, "G'morning, Ya know.... I am exerting self control that is like resisting the pull of 12 wild horses." "I gotta pee." She returns to the wood stove and I hold my position at the table. Izzy holds her arms wide and says, "Well if you want it, come and get it." I strip down to my shorts and take her in my arms. Holding her I tell of my plan to await her invitation or approach (H&V). She says that's a ridiculous way to live. I tell her my life is out of control. If I were to live as you say, I would be all over you 5 times a day, at least! "Well, some moderation would be good".
I'm feeling better, thank you


Hot Damn!

that was a GREAT idea! We talked a little about Janet McGeever's article http://janetmcgeever.com/ (thank you Sender). I am totally captivated by my Izzy's breasts and we talked about that feminine positive polarity (Tantra). She is skeptical. It was nice for me to share what I am experiencing here at this forum rather than keeping it to myself (hiding).
After showering I asked if she would like to go to bed and share karezza. "Does that mean cuddling?" I answer, "Certainly, and kissing and possibly intercourse without the intention of orgasm." "OK, it might be helpful." YES!!!! we were together for about a half hour, very nice. I stayed very open and eventually she opened to me and let me in. It was pretty wonderful. She asked for an orgasm and I could not (did not want to) refuse. So back to square 1 but it feels like 10!
I'll be checking in at day 4.
Luv ya

Day 1

OK 1 day without O. Things are sweet around here. Izzy called me to her bed this am. We cuddled a little. Today, I don't care that she doesn't caress or kiss me. I am happy to hold her. Later, dressed, I said, "We're standing close to each other..." as I approached to embrace her. I think my skittish filly needs a little warning before touching her, and gawd, how I hurt when she winces. We showered together. Life is good. My tank is full ( http://www.5lovelanguages.com/ ).
No post O doldrums. Of course I worry about day 4 (well, not too much...it's a waste of time) and pray, in spite of the O, we've done enough Bonding Behaviors to help ameliorate the fall-out. It wasn't a frenzied drive for the dope. It was more like, "We've got ourselves to this point, I'd like an orgasm", relaxed, easy. We all know there is a qualitative difference between sweet sex and plain fucking/wanking. We'll see.....

Day 2

She is being sooooo sweet....WTF! 3 hugs and a couple of kisses without pulling away (I initiated and terminated). She made me a hot lunch! I am stoked!
I'm telling her how good I feel and how I appreciate her attention. Much better than all that bitchin' 'n moanin'.
Yesterday I asked Izzy, "What's up? Why you being so nice?" "You were nice yesterday".
Well OK, I can do that....

Day 7

Yesterday I asked Izzy for a little sex, using those words. We were in the shower together and I thought a little something slippery might be fun. It was late in the afternoon and I'd been ogling her all day. Priming myself I suppose. We'll as you might guess, it blew up in my face. I was deeply hurt. I told her a simple "no thanks" would have been fine but the "discussion" left me hurt. I could not shake it off, afraid to approach her on any level. My work, hard work, was to stay with the hurt and avoid blame and anger. The best I could do was distract myself.
This morning my meditation was totally sidetracked with yesterday's hurt. Yuck! I remembered reading about the rules for a public Cuddle group. There was a great piece about saying "no" and dealing with rejection. I forwarded the link to Izzy. Before she could read it this morning she called me to her bed. The cuddling was so healing.
I'm wondering when I get home later if we should talk about what's the problem with me asking for sex, or do as Sender suggests and commit to not asking for anything for 90 days. Give the girl a break.
Luv ya

Wholly Whiplash Batman!

Do you mean she's on Day 7 too? And I might stop being so self centered and show some compassion? :)
Love ya Marnia. Thank you for all the work here, research, and word crafting. You are a marvel!
Oh yeah, Izzy's response, "You've been saying that for years." 46%, that's significant