What do people really do during Karezza ?

Submitted by IferJ on
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Hie all,

I need some help to understand Karezza. Can I know what does a couple do when 'inside each other' if there is no pounding/grinding/in & out action ? What do people do during Karezza ? Just lay there & do nothing,talk & touch each other ?

Sorry if I sound very basic but I really don't understand this whole practise of Karezza. Hope you guys can help.


it can be a lot more than you think

I mean, you spend time penis in vagina, and you move a bit, maybe more sometimes than other times, still then moving...

It can be energetic and vigorous to an extent, or not nearly as much

It can be like regular sex except just not climbing the mountain to an orgasm...so you stay in the zone of 4 - 6 rather than 8-10 on a 1-10 scale.

When it's over is when you decide it's over.

I would say that my wife determines that because I'm up for as long as possible and she is not.

doing not doing

It does seem strange to make love without the primitive programming running the show. That's what makes it so incredible. What you don't do is let your lizard brain take over and push you toward an orgasmic release that leaves you dry and soft. Instead, you end up hard and wet (fire and water). That my friend, is the goody, because over time you start experiencing absolute, awesome ecstasy. And you want to drink from that well-spring over and over. For more practical detail, read our article "Karezza Explored".

Karezza is about me

It is what I chose to do. My freedom loving Izzy will not agree to any preconceived idea or plan for fear she may feel coerced. Her honesty helps keep me honest. For me, karezza is an extension of my meditation practice. In the 20 minutes we might spend together, I move in and out of karezza and lizard sex. I have a very undisciplined mind. When my sexy Izzy becomes my ultimate porn fantasy, it is not karezza! Nor is it when any fantasy I make up starts taking over, whether it be Richardson Tantra, ideal karezza (where the hell is that Valley?), some crazy way to STOP from cumming or any random "I want....". There is no technique or thing that we do. I am practicing karezza when I am present, sexy, loving and not seeking the Big O....not seeking, not wanting, not manipulating her into getting high.
Like my meditation practice I frequently (just this side of constantly) find myself going down a path contrary to my intention. I like it when I can catch it (oh, Little Woody wants to cum!) and laugh at myself. That lovely compassionate laugh of the Dalai Lama is a nice image to bring up at such times. And then bring myself back to my breath, the touch and our love.
I am SO conditioned by 5 decades of orgasmic sex that I must check the Rush as soon as I feel it. Perhaps you know that electricity that courses through the body when the touch is sexual as when her breast meets my chest, my hand runs along her thigh, or my penis (OMG! anything to do with my penis!).... If I hold to my intention of karezza, that jolt is my wake up call, call to awareness, to come back to my breath, our love.
Karezza intercourse is very difficult for me. There remains much for me to learn about myself and karezza PIV. We are together 3-4 times per week but she has taken my Penis Into her Vagina only 3 times this year. We really aren't good at it. The first was a simultaneous orgasmic surprise. Ha! truth be told there came a time where a choice was made and I liked it. Drama and pain came like clockwork a few days later. The second time she asked for my cum to masturbate with. I started to oblige her but soon understood that was not what I wanted, and stopped without orgasm. I felt yucky for trying. The third time Izzy really wanted an orgasm and was working for it. I sat back and enjoyed the ride to climax. Of course, we didn't want to be close for the next day and a half. It was good for me to honor that distant feeling and not try to force myself on her or try to bring her back to me. Today is day 7 and I'm wondering where the big drama fall-out is. Have I built up some resistance by a month without orgasm and a fair amount of BB's? Have Izzy and I arrived at a place of such calmness that on orgasm isn't such a big deal?
We'll see

virtue mindedness

I have learned for myself that the lizard program is really just a habit that can be deactivated simply by calling out the thoughts as they occur. For example, I have to say to them, "hey dude, your thought about spilling the semen doesn't mean anything." or "that's not the highest virtue, so that thought doesn't count." and so on. What helped me get past the temptation to orgasm altogether was virtuous thought practice, literally going thru one of the seven virtues each day of the week. I wrote little phrase reminders and posted them on the fridge. This totally reprogrammed my attitude toward lust thoughts and feelings of wanting to use sex for release. I believe the mindful approach to choose higher thought currents is how we can break the animal - lizard temptations, especially in regards to sex. I always noticed how the lower brain would want me to go downward (pride, envy, gluttony, hatred, laziness, lust, greed). The virtues are like basic goodness practice for the brain: humility, happiness for others, temperance, loving kindness, creative work, sacred sexuality and generosity.

I Like the Seven

Where does Virtuous (not Virtual) Thought practice come from? Is there a culture that has so named the days? I think I may be wearying of the Norse gods.
I declare today Humility, thank you KevinJ
"...the most lasting expression of one's humility lies in our ability to foster and mentor our children."
Naveen Jain

I think you will have the

I think you will have the real understanding only when you will engage in intimate karezza session with your lover. Being 'inside each other' is enough to immerse in intimate feeling of love and express ultimate affection to each other. And of course there are other option. You can stare, talk, touch, caress and kiss each other. In our case, we remain almost still and deeply kiss each other mostly. In some occasion previously, I had orgasm just from passionate kissing while being inside her with out any pounding/grinding/in & out action.

My guess is that

it takes a while to reach that level of sensitivity to pleasure, and that  those who have been pounding and grinding might not get much out of karezza...at first. It takes time to retrain the brain.

Yes, you are right about "it

Yes, you are right about "it takes a while to reach that level of sensitivity to pleasure". We have been married for almost 15 years and have been doing karezza-like-lovemaking for around 5 years. And things have changed quite a bit in these years. So, you may not find the answer in the beginning, but with time you will find the bliss in karezza for sure. Wink


This is what it came down to for me...


Really its about getting aroused to the point where I feel a kind of "harmonic" or vibration dancing in my pelvis (really subtle) and stop there and just focus on the interaction of my penis inside the vagina and the energy flow ( from subtle to CRAZY, even when dead still ). But it takes time, and total relaxation. I recommend Float Tanks if they are in your area (rare). And focus on giving, in sex and in life. That was cool to feel, that "giving" feeling is really where deep pleasure lies, in anything....


Ya, sensory deprivation. I just did a hour and a half today in town. It can peel you open though. I had a ton of old emotional shit come up out of nowhere that I was able to get through. But Man! it can stir up the "mud" at times.

I find this way of meditating highly beneficial to my sex life. I am far more present with my wife and can face the stuff I have been hiding from.

I have a blog StartWithin.org that goes over some of the effects of floating indirectly. I did an eight hour float in Portland several years ago that went to the core of who we are. Not to go all crazy or New Age, but we truly are together, One, like a single perception through everything. Very odd, but think of it this way. The consciousness in you that is reading these words is aware and alive at the exact same time that I am somewhere else, doing something else. But we are Aware at the same instant, together, with everything and that Awareness flows through everything. I hope that makes sense...

I feel the vertical float tanks will be the version that will end up being globally embraced.

Ask any questions you may have. This is a field I have been intrigued with for years.

Kind of like normal sex

I kind of have sex like normal but I slow down a lot. Most of the time I hit some kind of peak and there I stop myself. I probably heat up a bit too much and get very close to the edge, then when I stop there it's like having had mini orgasm without having had one. My interest in sex lessens a bit, but not like I've had a full on orgasm so it's not gone completely. Sometimes I manage to avoid this too and I'm getting better at it, but usually it happens because I never feel like stopping otherwise and... well, if you rub me long enough...

I guess in some way what I'm doing is a compromise between karezza and conventional sex. I think it works for me. I don't give a rat's ass about having an orgasm anymore, so I'm not an addict, I enjoy cuddling just as much, but I probably won't be having any spiritual mystic experiences of melting into my partner and becoming the universe or having deep calley orgasms and I'm just fine with that. You know what? I think that's just another thing to get addicted to at the other end of the spectrum. Things are fine when everything's just normal.


It's taken YEARS!!! to figure out that when I want my penis to touch you, to rub and be stroked, I am headed down the lizard trail. As I lie with Izzy my pelvis moves on it's own accord to press to her belly or nestle between her butt cheeks. Lizard dick (or is it Dick Lizard) wants her to know he is hard and ready to go! Now, I can put the brakes on. I am able to not cum. I can even get really close and rub and even be inside her, and not cum. In the beginning, that was what karezza was for me, sex without orgasm. It was an important part of my learning and I would not be where I am today without it.
But today I call that continence. Today, Karezza is my ability to be a loving man and touch my wife in a loving way.
These days, the rising of my cock is a call for connection. My impulse to make that the first connection, or the ultimate connection, or when I feel the urge to have him rubbed, stroked or squeezed; it is a red flag. These are spoor of the lizard and I must check my intention.