I don't have much to say especially since I already wrote this entry once and then my phone died :P but I feel I need to share my insights anyways so I don't forget or lose them. I was not intending to have an orgasm but because we were low on time and did have not enough time for a sustained relaxed interaction I "wanted more" and had a small orgasm.
So one thing to celebrate is that my partner is on board for trying karezza if he feels like being with the feeling can be too much that I may help him ejaculate but that is another thing to balance the main thing is that he's taking my pace for what kind of sex we want. It's not that he made me do anything in the past but sometimes we got going too quickly and I didn't know what I wanted in the moment. So there has been progress
There are still some insights that I have gained from this time that I had the orgasm: one that no orgasm is too small to have aftermath of tension I didn't anticipate the level of tension that would build up from just one orgasm that initially was not a big deal but then turned into an all-day multiple-day maybe multiple week affair. Another thing that I learned is that no faster movement sex is worth it in comparison to the doing nothing sustain connection karezza simple PIV. I feel more emotionally stable and connected after PIV and the last time we had it I was so happy ... the best moments I felt like the world was hugging me and the worst moments might have been boring but they are still spending time together.
What I hope is that doing PIV will help the post orgasm cycle even though I'm sad I will probably not have as much pleasure as I would have had I not had the orgasm.
I also learned that when I feel rejected about something then I decide to betray myself and not follow my goals something had gotten in the way of my husband having enough time to cuddle with me and that is why I felt like I needed to rush forward and get something out of it that wasn't slow. I also learned that in the emotional aftermath of an orgasm no one else is responsible for my feelings and when I get down about it it is best for me to just journal my feelings out and spend time alone rather than trying to explain my feelings to anyone else because it can be overwhelming for me and them
Sorry about the scrawl writing I am doing voice to text and my son is in my arms....