You say exchanges, I say healing touch

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Due to work schedules, travel and a toddler, my husband and I haven’t had the opportunity to try more than the first exchange listed in the back of “Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow.”

That first time I was nervous about his reaction. First, because I know he is willing to give karezza another attempt, but isn’t as convinced as I feel right now. I wanted it to be a positive experience for both of us.

Secondly, for some reason I was worried he would think the language about “energy,” ect., was strange. It’s actually odd that I was thinking this way, because he and I are both trained in an alternative therapy called healing touch, which works with your energy field. Marnia’s book talks about chakras and that’s what healing touch works with as well.

All I can think is that perhaps my last O, which was about a week and a half before, was still messing with my mind.

When we did the yin delight, we put our hands on each other’s sacral chakra (navels). We both felt something. To me it felt like a light current. Like putting a cable on a battery post, but a very gentle current.

Then I read the yang exploration aloud to my husband. Even though I had read it previously, it suddenly occurred to me, especially while reading the last part about cradling your partner’s head or feet in your hands for five minutes. This is basically healing touch and the last step is what we call grounding. He agreed with my assessment.

As I started the exercise I mentioned to my husband that I wasn’t sure if I should do the exercise as I read it in the book, or if I should simply do the chakra connection. We decided that we could do it either way. I did start it as the book described but I just felt impressed that what I really felt comfortable doing at that moment was the chakra connection, so that is what both of us ended up doing.

Has anyone ever made this connection before? Between healing touch and karezza? I’m curious if anyone else has explored combining healing touch with karezza.

My husband and I were both certified in healing touch this spring, long before we were introduced to the idea of karezza. But now they both seem to fit together like a hand and a glove. In fact, I had previously thought that healing touch could possibly be incorporated into lovemaking, my friends and I had even joked about it, but I didn’t have any concrete ideas how to accomplish that until I read “Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow.”

To take things back a step further, I have to say that all the pieces of this puzzle certainly seem to have fallen into place with perfect timing. In retrospect, I can see a definite pattern leading to where we are now.

1. My husband and I are trained in healing touch. (Him in February and me in March.)
2. During this training, I experienced a Chakra spread. My throat chakra, associated with communication and “speaking your truth” (something I had not been able to do in my marriage) was the last to open and felt like a rusty barn door swinging reluctantly open.
3. I can’t remember for sure, but I believe it was after this training that I told my husband this: I doesn’t matter that neither one of us wants to get divorced. That is where this will end up eventually if something doesn’t change. He agreed but neither of us knew what to do.
4. Although he doesn’t know if what I said was a catalyst or not, in early May my husband found and we agreed to embark on a hard mode reboot together.
5. I started a journal, where, in mid-May, someone mentioned karezza to me. We attempted it without really knowing what we were doing and, after about a month, orgasmed sometime in early to mid-July. I noticed my crabbiness/neediness returned and his brain fog and tiredness came back.
6. I began reading the book, “Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow” and asked my husband to start over with another hard mode reboot and make a better, more informed attempt at karezza this time. It has now been 16 days since our last Os.



I don't know if anyone has mentioned the connection

but you should trust your own instincts. I'm familiar with many such techniques, and my guess is that one reason they are powerful is that attachment cues are so powerful. Have you read this article? The Lazy Way to Stay in Love

That said, I'm not denying that there are techniques that have additional beneficial effects.

Above all, I want to encourage you to trust yourselves. The purpose of those Exchanges in Cupid is to give couples a structured way to engage in attachment cues, or "bonding behaviors." There's no other magic to them. I tried to choose a range of things in hopes that couples might incorporate a few of them that they like, on a more permanent basis.

You should choose your own variants if you have something that is familiar and works for you. The important things are "daily when possible" and a desire to nurture rather than "heat up."


Healing touch! I'm still working on taking the heat out of the encounter. Just relax and enjoy, that's the way to go.