Hi again everyone. After years of being single I've started dating a friend who I've known online for over a year, (long story) and we've slowly gotten to know each other despite a large physical distance separating us. He is going to be traveling to see me relatively soon.
I've discussed karezza with him in a relatively cursory way, and while he was not entirely closed-minded they seemed emotionally resistant to it (I wasn't happy either when I learned about the reality of orgasm!), and seemed to get at least somewhat angry.
I know Marnia has spoken in interviews about giving people a book to get the negative projection onto something other than herself, so I have given him a few videos and articles which he did watch/read (which while it doesn't sound like much, is much more open than my previous partner).
He is concerned about the prospect of blue-balls, and that is a very fair concern in my opinion. I gave him the "4 steps for men" article but he still thinks it will be a problem. I am worried that when we do meet, he'll be raring to go and skip over the exchanges period, and create a self-fulfilling prophecy of blue balls if he approaches intimacy in that mindset. From there it would be an excuse not to try this method moving forward.
I don't want to be a controlling partner or a "downer" on his attraction - how can I talk about this without coming off as controlling? I am afraid that if his mindset is on the conventional program, that there will be a) blue balls but b) hangover regardless as to whether there are orgasms or not, (especially if there are) which will then make it much harder to make karezza appealing/effective.
What I am planning to do is try to focus on doing exchanges and attempting to go slow and abstain from orgasm when he's here, but that's about all I can think of doing without basically attempting to force him to do things "my way," which is a very very bad place to be in any relationship and which I would not appreciate if he were to do the same to me.
Any help on this upcoming conundrum - whether it's information I can share with him before he gets here, or what I can try in person, I would much appreciate it.
It's difficult to feel you are genuinely right about something but also refrain from pushing that view/perspective on others.