This is intended to be a collection of my experiences up to this point in my life about my ongoing social anxiety and porn induced ED. My story is a unique one... I had my first orgasm when i was in fourth grade by climbing and grinding on pole. It was really a happy accident. I was first exposed to porn in 6th grade, far too early. However, I did not begin PMO on a consistent basis (1-5 times a day) until i was around 13. Before this time period I was still masturbating, with this weird technique that tried to imitate the rubbing of the original pole ( the best I can describe it is rubbing my palm against the top of my penis while it was pointed down, like I was humping my hand instead of being stroked by it). I also only used fantasy before i was 13. But as you can see I've had a long history.
About a year ago, I've noticed that I could not get hard around a girl and it was honestly devastating. I frantically began searching for the causes of my problems, ED, weak erections, desensitization, etc. and I found this site and others. I really put down my foot when I went off to university. I went a straight month without any PMO, but then it started to creep back into my life. I would have individual sessions a couple times a week while looking at pornographic pictures. There would be individual weeks when i wouldn't PMO at all. Then break and have two sessions in a row of watching hardcore porn. My penis through all of this has seen recovery, more sensitive, easier to get erect. But still, it seemed like my social anxiety was still there and my results have become stagnant.
New years came around and I had another failed encounter with a girl. This time I have set down my foot and take it to the end, or at least I will try. I don't think I have truly experienced the flatline in this past semester at school even though in total I could not have had more than 20 orgasms. Still, its time to make a change for the better in my life and this is a grand way to do it. In my rare case, it seems that my failure to perform stems from both porn induced ED as well as anxiety induced ED. Hopefully my anxiety will get better through this process and thereby eliminating two birds with one stone... hehe if Im lucky.
I would infinitely appreciate any input, words of encouragement, or people in my position to just give me advice. Give me something to look for. Any thoughts on what my journey will look like? My goal is to not reach any particular number of days but to gradually not have the urge to watch porn at all. PORN IS A DRUG AND I LOVE IT. GOD ITS SOO GOOD but I have to part ways with it. Its quite sad that I have fucked up my childhood so hard that I will never again be able to enjoy it as a well adjusted person but thats a price I am all too willing to pay.
A Wayward Wanker