210+ days and counting - another attempt at sex

Submitted by fixme on
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Hello,

I have lost track of the number of days since starting the reboot. I have not watched porn
since early last year. I started a masturbation schedule after about 180+ days and now masturbate
about twice a week. I do feel a small chaser after masturbating. I can get erections when masturbating to feeling (and realistic fantasy) but I don't really
get morning erections anymore. Also, if I stop stroking myself, it goes limp in like 10 seconds. I would feel a lot better if my erections lasted a few minutes without stroking because then I know I could at least stroke myself to erection and perform during sex. I think I'll still have issues performing but haven't had a chance at sex yet.

I went to see a couple of therapists. One gave me anti-anxiety meds to try to use when I have sex. I guess that is supposed to help performance anxiety. The other therapist is using behavioral therapy and suggested I engage in sex without any expectations. I told the therapist about porn addiction and dopamine levels (and this website) and he said that it might be true but wasn't convinced. He said I should definitely be masturbating at least once a week and that it makes no sense that I wouldn't.

I am going to visit a girl that I have been dating on/off this weekend. She doesn't know about my issues. I will probably try to have sex or at least oral sex with her this weekend and see where it goes from there.

Overall, I am feeling kind of lost as to what to do. I believe that I've spent more than enough time rebooting and still don't see strong, lasting erection or strong libido. I have been dating another girl locally. I see her about once a week and we make out, hug, touch etc. No sex yet though. I also started taking maca root as that has been shown to increase libido. Everything in my life is healthy still. Exercising multiple times a week (cardio + weights), eat right, sleep well.

I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel and am getting anxious as to what to do...

Hey,

Hey,

I have checked my hormone levels twice over the past few years. Testosterone is not super high but well into the normal range (like 500 out of 900). Several different doctors have said that it shouldn't be a problem. However, I'm not horny at all and have no libido. Maybe there is some other hormones outside of testosterone that is affecting me.

just a suggestion, if you

just a suggestion, if you feel a chaser after masturbating, even if its small, maybe you should hold of of wacking it. Im sure youve already tried this, but maybe you just needed more time and doing it twice a week is making you take steps back

I attempted to have sex this

I attempted to have sex this weekend with a girl that I have been dating on/off long distance.
The first night, we made out and I was only semi-erect. I asked her to give me oral sex and she obliged. She went down on me when I was still a bit soft. I managed to ejaculate after a few minutes and it felt okay. After that we cuddled and went to sleep. I was pretty happy that I could cum from oral sex.

The second night, we made out while we here half naked. I got our clothes off and I rubbed on her until I was erect. I went to get a condom in the bathroom and by the time I came back I was soft again. She tried to go down on me and I tried to masturbate but couldn't get it up. I gave up on sex that night and we went to sleep.

The next morning, I decided to try again for oral sex. We made out and I was fully erect. I asked her to go down on me but when she started doing it, I went soft again. After a few minutes, she stopped. I had to use my hand and fantasize about other girls and I nearly came. When I was about the cum, I told her to start going down on me again. She did while I used my hand a bit and I was finally able to cum. I was relieved that I was even able to ejaculate even though I was mostly masturbating.

Although, I don't feel as badly about this as the other times ED happened, I don't know what to do. I should not that I did try to use Cialis, which didn't really do much.

Also, finally, I feel like my libido is really low. I didn't feel very emotionally attached or attracted to the girl, even though she is pretty hot with a thin body and large breasts.

How long does it take to feel horny again? After 210+ days I think I should be so horny that I would want to have sex with even the most boring/plain girls but it's just not happening!

Okay I am another long-hauler

Okay I am another long-hauler like yourself. I lost count after 125-ish days a long time ago. Honestly, I believe that your problem is quite simple. Your sexual sensitivity is still not where it should be. Whoever told you that you SHOULD masturbate at least once a week is full of shit. I started adding M back into the routine around day 85 and, over time I started to lose my sensitivity. Whether your fantasy is realistic or pornographic may not matter. It could simply be the amount of dopamine that you release. I stopped M'ing again and re-rebooted for about a month, had some semi-successful sex (First since the reboot) and am now on my third week of no PMO and minimal F. Morning erections EVERY morning for the last two weeks. I have not been fantasizing and I believe that is the reason. M would be an option if you could do it successfully with no Fantasy or far less than you use. Fantasizing about multiple women will probably generate more dopamine for you than being naked with a real woman. I say either try to master M without F or just stop M. Either way, don't worry your not alone in having things take so long. It takes as long as it takes. We have to be patient with ourselves. Stay strong and good luck!

XPornHead30,

XPornHead30,

Thanks. I've been keeping up with your posts as you seem to be in a similar situation as me. I've been inspired by your success so thanks for keeping us updated.

The psychologist that told me to masturbate was a guy that was at very famous institution (think ivy league caliber). Anyway, I guess even the academics don't really understand what's going on.
I think I'll reduce masturbation to once every two weeks with absolutely no fantasy. I bought some lube to masturbate with so that should increase the sensations.

I do have a couple of questions for you because you seem to be recovering better than me.
In a previous post you mentioned that you get erections for 15 minutes or more. Are you saying that you can basically walk around the house with an erection for that long without stimulation? That seems incredible. When I get morning wood, it basically goes away within 30 seconds of getting out of bed.

Also, when you are having sex, are you able to get an erection just from making out or do you need manual stimulation (using your hand or oral)? I used to be able to get hard just making out and could stay hard for hours but that hasn't happened since I was in college (early 20's).

Last question. Do you think your ED is anxiety related? I definitely feel anxious when I'm about to have sex. I used to get excited/horny about it. Now it feels like I'm about to give a speech in front of a hundred people. I have been trying to control my anxiety but I definitely think it's related.

Thanks and keep us updated on your progress!

The long lasting erections

The long lasting erections (when Im by myself and not masturbating) are usually in the morning and when I am in bed. Its usually when I am trying to go back to sleep but finding it hard to do so with such a distraction lol! As far as getting up and walking around, if I fantasize and flex the PC muscles I can keep it going for longer (but I try to resist the temptation to fantasize), Im not much different than yourself. I get up, go to the bathroom, urinate, wash my hands and brush my teeth. Usually by the time I am brushing my teeth, the erection has turned into one of those downward-hanging chubs. I don't know I guess thats about a minute or so. Maybe less IDK. Yes i definitely struggle with performance anxiety, which is why I meditate regularly. Meditation helps train you to stay in the here and now, which is the foil for anxiety. It also helps to not put any pressure on yourself and try to just have fun with sex, not caring so much about the mechanics of it. I am, of course, preaching to myself lol! Anyway, good luck to you too sir and keep us posted.