I can't believe it's already been 30 days.
Some of this reminds me of other major paradigm shifts in the way I saw things, like when I discovered how to look at Christianity through a Jewish lens, or when I become a full-fledged libertarian.
Other observational posts I've made along the way:
- Beginning my First Reboot After 20+years
- Rebooting from PMO - But I can still have the orgasms right?
- 18 Days and Ready for More
- Having Withdrawal Issues? My Theory for Why My Reboot has Been Pretty Easy - Married Guy Reboot Hack
In the last 31 days, I have taken on two othe paradigm shifting concepts: NoFap, and Karezza.
I can now jump tall buildings in a single bound. OK, not really, but I absolutely am more expressive of my emotions to my wife. I am more friendly in social situations and more confident in looking people in the eye or just saying hello. That's a pretty serious change.
I also have more energy in the morning and am not waking up feeling exhausted anymore. I have 40 minute commute in the mornings and by the time I would get close to work, I would often feel like I didn't sleep at all. No more.
On a scale of 1-10, before these changes, I would say that my mood would average out to a 5. Some days 4, some days 6, rarely a 7.
Since I started NoFap+Karezza, I average an 8. I feel much better.
When I started, I was in the midst of an increasingly bad ED. I was having flatline periods with no libido. Had a couple of dead dick experiences. After 30 days, I have seen some definite improvement. The head of my penis is really sensitive during oral sex, and my erection isn't going away as quickly as it was before.
At times, I would get a 70% erection and lose it by the time I got on top to penetrate my wife. That's no longer happening.
Urges to Relapse
Before I started Karezza, I was already following some advice on here about daily bonding behaviors. After 14 years of marriage, my wife and I never went to bed at the same time because I was staying up to wait until I could watch porn and masturbate in private. We immediately started cuddling at night. I learned later about neurochemicals and their ability to ease withdrawal symptoms.
My urges to watch porn have been very minor. I feel like the secrets are:
- Hit Rock Bottom and really have a strong reason why you are doing this (I did when PI-ED was beginning to affect sex with my wife and it was devastating. When I discovered it was PMO, I was relieved and ready to start)
- Learn as much as you can from others' reboot accounts and from http://yourbrainonporn.com
- If you can, get daily physical bonding, kissing, cuddling, making out, slow sex. It eases the cravings
- Stay active here and read people's rants. I've seen so many "I only made it 1 day, 3 days, etc. and I feel like crap" postings that I recognize that relapse is going to equal depression or flatline, and I'm not going there.
- Contribute by encouraging others, tell your story, post and help out new rebooters
At Day 30, and I've had a couple of days where I felt off, but like I said, I feel awesome.
20/20 Hindsight: I see now that problems I had with mild clinical depression in college coincided completely with my discovery of edging to porn. I was doing it to myself.
As I've read in other reboot accounts: I recognize that my increasing periods of low-libido and low-energy over the last 2-3 years were flatlines that were related to my PMO habit.
Do I miss orgasms? Amazingly, no. I recognized during the 1st 10 days, that I felt different on days after my wife and I had sex. I recognized the symptoms, low-energy, brain-fog, exhausted feeling. I finally put 2+2 together and realized that it was the orgasms that were doing it to me.
Gary Wilson's http://yourbrainonporn.com site is basically the bible of NoFap, and it was there I was introduced to the idea that keeping up a regular schedule of orgasms during a reboot could slow down the healing process. Wilson is also big into Karezza style sex, so I started reading up on that and it made a lot of sense, so I decided to give it a try.
In the 21 days since I gave up orgasm, I'd had sex 9 times and have never finished the experience regretting that I didn't have an orgasm. Of course, it takes longer to get to that point of satisfaction than when I was having an orgasm. Generally, my wife would cum at around 7 minutes, and I would a few minutes later and the whole thing was about 15 minutes. Now it's more like 45 minutes to an hour.
I'm not into eastern religions, I don't meditate, never tried yoga. I'm a Christian, but I'm telling you, there's something there. I had a 2 minute full-body orgasmic experience this week. There was no ejaculation. No after-effects and it was 2 minutes, not 5 seconds. It was amazing.
If you told me on November 1 that by the end of the year, I would give up porn, masturbation, and orgasm and feel better than ever, I would have never have believed it. Especially the orgasm part. It sounded nuts at first, but here I am with a green star.