About 75 days in, mixed bag - got some questions!

Submitted by frusting on
Printer-friendly version

Hi folks,

Quick background:

Started porn at age 12, 20 years ago. Began with very graphic magazine that I got my hands on and then jumped to internet porn really quickly. Was mostly lesbian porn until that stopped working and then shifted to group/gay/etc. Continued that for a long time, although my frequency was never too bad and I never binged. Depending on whether or not I was with a girl, the most would be once a day.

Around college (2003) I stumbled on shemale porn and got addicted to that. I always hated watching gay porn because I was never attracted to guys and had girlfriends, but something about the taboo nature of male genitals excited me. It would permeate my dreams and masturbation session.

Naturally due to the usage of such graphic material, I developed some ED issues. They started off mildly (could not finish), then transitioned to difficulty maintaining erection and then even getting an erection became impossible. I of course made no correlation to the porn, but I did worry about the shemale/gay thing. So I developed some serious HOCD in the past 5 years, really doubting myself. The thing that confused me most is that I look at girls, get attracted to girls and fall in love with girls. So I could never square my emotional desire for them along with my physical attraction to their bodies with this odd need for male genitals.

Few months ago:

About 2.5 months ago I started seeing someone and decided to quit porn during the dating process. I never knew about addiction, just something I did by accident. We got intimate quickly and of course my stuff didnt work very well. I could get early arousal, but it would fade. Once the early arousal faded, even if she would reach for it, the combination of fear and lack of reboot resulted in flaccidity. We did have successful intercourse, but it ended with me going soft. The sensation and the feeling just wasnt strong enough to sustain.
We broke up about 5 weeks ago, I just hope it was not because of the sex problems - she claimed it was not. I went back to porn for a few sessions, just out of frustration. Exactly at the same time I discovered YPOB.

Today:

On April 15th, I read everything on the subject and realized that I had some serious symptoms:
- No morning wood (occurred to me that I did not have it for many months)
- Testicular pain
- ED
- HOCD
- Anxiety in my stomach (butterflies)

So although I have been rebooting for 2.5 months, I guess there were interruptions. I still count this as about 75 days, the following observations over the past few weeks:

- morning wood is back, seems to be getting stronger and lasting longer
- Anxiety is completely gone, this is utterly incredible. I thought it was a personal/character thing. Guess not!?
- Wet dreams. Many, weird ones. Mostly straight. Early ones were graphic, very porn-like, recent ones are more normal. One was gay oriented ( I think ).
- Very poor sleep. Wake up a few times a night, toss and turn and go to the bathroom 2 or 3 times (MOre on that below)

I met another girl a few weeks back. We are getting very serious, I like her very very much. My attraction to her face and body is just through the roof. However when making out and grinding together, my penis is rather MIA. Randomly it would pop up, get excited and go away.

Few days ago, as I was going down on her - penis was inactive, although I enjoyed myself thoroughly. When she reached for it, it was soft :( I panicked and explained that I have these kinds of issues and she seemed understanding.

I also went to a urologist a few days ago for the testicular pain and he said I have prostatitis. He said that may explain the nocturnia, testicle pain and erections fading. I am on antibiotics now.

My question for you:

- Even though I started watching gay porn super young, is this still HOCD I am battling? I just assumed that if it was appealing to me in my teens then it is more real?
- Given the improvements that I have experienced, am I still rebooting? The fact that my ED currently is just as bad as it was years ago, is worrying to me. I would at least expect *some* improvement!
- Best way to handle this with a new partner?
- Can the prostatitis be complicating matters here?

Thanks so much!

We're not doctors

but I've heard from lots of guys that when they first start having sex after a dry spell (and after some history of porn-induced ED), they often notice a bit of ED or DE. It seems to get better as a rule. All you need is an understanding partner, and it sounds like you have that.

Not sure what the prostatitis would add to the puzzle. Let us know how things unfold.

You might find some of the stories here soothing:

http://yourbrainonporn.com/erectile-dysfunction-question

And even this one:

How do I know when I'm back to normal?

Marnia,

Marnia,

The problem is that this is not just a bit of ED. I read all those links previously, that is why I came here. This is ED that I had now for about 10 years. The only time I did not have ED was my first gf in high school, although in retrospect I had a hard time finishing and had to resort to porn fantasy :(

The prostatitis currently causes testicular pain - and in some cases sufferers report ED problems. However that is not my issue, my issue is that I am concerned about:

HOCD and my particular style of ED - which is quick arousal (at times) and erection and then just as quickly it fading.

Was hoping some folks would chime in and confirm that this happens.

I am coming to terms with the idea that the rebooting process must take a long time, especially for someone like myself who started on this stuff before real women.

Another suggestion that has worked for some guys

It's fine to try to elicit encouraging anecdotes, but here's another approach.

TAKE ALL THE PERFORMANCE PRESSURE OFF OF YOURSELF INDEFINITELY. Tell you partner you'd like to try "soft entry" for a while. You can read about it in this book: Tantric Sex For Men.RICHARDSON

When ED has been around for a while, performance anxiety often sets in. You need a way to outsmart your anxiety The best way past it is to remove all pressure to perform until your body resets itself naturally. Avoiding sex is counterproductive because your biology fires up for intimate contact.

If you need to use condoms, try a female condom instead. Become neutral about the state of your penis, and put your attention on enjoying your partner. Let nature take its course.

Good luck.

Thank you! I will take that

Thank you! I will take that advice to heart and talk it over with the new partner. Seems odd in this age of course to ask for 'no sex' as this is definitely on her mind - but if she is legitimate and here to stay, she will presumably be OK with it.

I will look into the soft entry stuff, never heard of it :)

thanks again!

Bravo!

for admitting you have a bit of ED, and then just carrying on. Some guys are afraid of making out, getting in bed with a woman, etc. for fear that she'll find out about the ED and lose interest in the guy.

You see guys, women (some of them, anyway) can take it in stride. ED won't necessarily kill a relationship.

- Even though I started

- Even though I started watching gay porn super young, is this still HOCD I am battling? I just assumed that if it was appealing to me in my teens then it is more real?
- Given the improvements that I have experienced, am I still rebooting? The fact that my ED currently is just as bad as it was years ago, is worrying to me. I would at least expect *some* improvement!
- Best way to handle this with a new partner?
- Can the prostatitis be complicating matters here?

Welcome here. I think rebooting can continue for a long time but you are doing the right thing. 

What helps immensely is to get different programs running in the brain, and lots of naked cuddling and non-intercourse type stuff with this lady would be the best thing you can do. This increases hormonal stuff in the brain that make you feel more secure and less anxious and that are very powerful. Spending time in bed without sex on the table is fabulous for our brains and our bodies recover much quicker when we do this.

Are you still masturbating? I would stop masturbation if that is an option. 

Not sure about prostatitis, this is a weird diagnosis. The pain may just go away on its own. Many guys have put their poor prostates through hell and back through edging practices and it can take awhile for things to settle down.

 

 

Then that is the plan, like

Then that is the plan, like Marnia suggested above, need to just experience quality time w/out sex.

I am definitely not masturbating and have no intention to for a while! I am PMO free for about 1.5 months now.

Thank you for the feedback, much appreciated!!!