About breasts~

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Submitted by Rachel on
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Something important needs to be said about this so the men can understand how it feels for the woman.

The woman *has* to get inside her body first and feel her breasts from the inside before touching them on the outside is going to bring pleasure.

If a woman is thinking outside her body of other things and a man comes in to touch her breasts, it could possibly feel a bit repulsive, ticklish, not good (and she might get defensive and move away).

For me, I have to first go inside my body and start the circle of energy, feeling my breasts from the inside, THEN my lover's touches feel exquisitely divine. I will often do this while I'm waiting for him to arrive at my house or when we first start to kiss and make love.

It has to be something intentional and it has to start with the woman. No amount of a man touching a woman's breasts will make this happen on its own!

But once it is initiated by the woman, the breasts can bring ecstasy she's never known. I'm so grateful to Diana Richardson for bringing this to my attention~~my sexual life is forever changed for the better!

Thanks for this Rachel. You

Thanks for this Rachel. You're soooo right about our intention as women in focusing on the feelings inside our own bodies. I do have one suggestion though for guys with girlfriends/wives that haven't figured this out yet or don't want to read DR's book.

Firstly, I'll describe a pivotal experience in becoming more aware of the central role of my breasts and not being just an additional tool for achieving orgasm: Before I became more consciously aware of how I can circle energy and feel my breasts from within, I was hanging out with a friend and we were exchanging massages. He's not a lover, although we can turn each other on if we both want to. Anyhow...he was giving me a shoulder massage with a healing intent (that's important) and then it became more sensual (not erotic, that's important too). He started massaging downwards down my arms and then the front of my chest towards and beside my breasts but not touching them. I hadn't asked him to do that, he was just enjoying himself and following my pleasurable responses.

side note about pressure: Because we're not in a 'relationship', he doesn't have general permission to touch my breasts or other parts of my body - I'm not saying that in a relationship partners can touch whenever they want, but there's a more clear boundary with where my friend and I are at and no expectation whatsoever for touch - so I could trust that he would just keep doing what he was doing until/unless I told him to stop or decided to direct him in another direction. Another important thing here is that I didn't feel any pressure to please him either nor him me. As we talked about later, neither of us started exchanging massage with any goal in mind, so we were very present in the moment. I didn't have a goal of having sex and in fact, didn't even want to have sex. Instead, I was just being present and enjoying the sensations in my body.

He continued to massage moving his hands gently but firmly towards my breasts. The energy in my breasts felt incredibly warm and it vibrated from there throughout my entire body. I would say I felt in a very orgasmic state in that moment and was very aware of how wet and open I had become without any actual touching of my breasts, no clitoral or vaginal stimulation, not even kissing or hot talk.

I don't think I need to tell the rest of the story. My point is that it might be possible for male partners to help women focus on the energy in their breasts and perhaps recognize their significant role by giving positive, loving and healing attention to the breasts without actually touching them, which could trigger the defensive reaction Rachel was talking about.

What do you think Rachel?

I agree~

I think the fact that your friend was there for you in a healing way (not a sexual way) allowed you to think about your own body and not his (and how it was reacting to yours) and so the channel was able to open and flow from within you. You were completely relaxed and in the moment and inside yourself which is one of the keys for opening the heart and breasts. It sounds like his touch brought your internal awareness to your breasts and that is what makes the vagina open (and very juicy, lol).

While I do think it's possible for a man to help a woman feel this energy through his touch, it still depends on her state of mind and her being able to relax completely in his presence (which is such a hard thing for many women to do~~so many years of conditioning have brought us to this tense state of looking at ourselves from the outside in instead of vice-versa). So anything a man can do to create this atmosphere is a good thing!

Yeah, I was questioning that

Yeah, I was questioning that as I wrote, wondering about my own state of mind. I was, at that point in my 'journey' decidedly not going to orgasm and had already given up masturbation and I was already into exploring observing arousal rather than acting on it impulsively. So all of that must have played a significant role in being able to stay with that orgasmic energy and recognize it as being in my breasts. In the past I likely would have become hornier and either moved quickly towards sex OR intentionally (even unconsciously) turned myself off because I didn't want to have sex with my friend.

The other bonus to my state of mind at that point was that I felt more confident in feeling what I was feeling and in not 'performing' sexually and as such was able to describe and talk about with my friend what was going on for me. That gave him some pleasure as well.

One of the best things

One of the best things my partner and I have done on this journey together is to talk about how we are feeling at the time we are feeling it (or directly afterwards). You don't realize that in conventional sex, there's not much to talk about! But with karezza, so many amazing things happen and it's best to share it with your lover. Communication becomes so easy (and it is something that was *never* easy for me in the past).

Once your heart becomes open, you can trust and be yourself and share yourself.

For sure. That was a

For sure. That was a wonderful thing I got to experience with my last sexual partner. We weren't practicing Karezza nor avoiding orgasm, but he really brought a level of consciousness and awareness to the bedroom that was profound for me. We talked about almost everything we did, either during or afterwards. When I've told friends that, they kinda thought that was crazy, like they would just want to tell their partner to shut up, but for me it was an incredibly pleasurable and rewarding experience.

great thread

You ladies here are helping guys like me a lot.

My wife feels ticklish when I approach her breasts. She has little interest in them one way or another, seemingly. But there is great energy there. It seems that if I *think* about touching them, she feels very ticklish and breast defensive.

Anyway I'm reading this with great interest. Thanks

Hi all! Hope it's okay that I chime in.

I noticed a connection to my breasts years ago when I first met my husband. We were in the habit of him manually stimulating me and then turning to suck lightly on my breast. The first time he did this I thought "What is that delicious sensation?". I had already nursed one baby and my breasts (especially my nipples) had not been very sensitive to my knowledge in years. But that's not what my body told me at that moment. It was an overwhelming flood of love mixed with bodily excitement.

Since reading and experiencing new ways of making love (and reading Diana Richardson and Barry Long) I've discovered this beautiful feeling is part of the whole "conscious love" experience. I believe it's part of the way we're "supposed" to love our partners - with a combination of platonic (of heavenly) love and sexual (or earthly) love. Bringing those two things in balance is one of the most beautiful things I've ever experienced.

As much as hubby and I have both had to retrain our brains and bodies in some ways, I have to give him all the credit for introducing me to the actuality of making love. I had been jaded and hardened by so many bad experiences (that I thought were completely normal) that I had lost touch with my true self. He has managed to bring her out slowly over the years - with a few speed bumps - but with love nonetheless.

I think at this point (because I am currently nursing my second child - though we are close to weaning) that we haven't had the opportunity to really explore my breasts as well. I think it's possible that there are some reservations on hubby's part about accidentally expressing milk or perhaps in feeling like the breasts are for the baby still - or some other way of trying to be respectful of my body and my motherhood. I think there are a lot of women with this little hang up as well - maybe even more so than men. I plan to talk with him about this at some point and will see if my hunch is right. In any case, I'd like to get "the girls" even more involved in our love making in the future! :)

Tying in with self-karezza

I've been fascinated with Aimee717's blog posts on self-karezza because I don't have a partner to do this with. I never really got excited physically by having my breasts handled; the psychological/emotional connotations of my lover sucking my breasts were more of the turn-on for me. When I tried an exercise with my breasts last night, my brain had a hard time shutting off, but when I breathed slowly and purposefully, I could feel the connection. This concept of feeling the breasts from within sounds like it could really help also..

Being invited

My wife and I have been married over 12 years and it is only in the past year that I have figured out that it is important for me to wait for an invitation to touch her breasts and vaginal area. This is not a verbal thing. It is more a matter of body language.

Like so many other men, I felt that it was my responsibility to get my wife aroused so I went through a mechanical process of kissing, caresssing, removing items of clothes and then starting to stimulate her breasts to try and get her excited. Early in our marriage this worked extremely well for me. As soon as her nipples were touched it was like a switch flipped and suddenly she was in the mood. In later years the opposite happened. I would touch her nipples and she would recoil.

A few months ago we were making love and I decided to proceed in a very slow and teasing way. I was not doing slow sex per se, I was just experimenting with different approaches to warm her up. I purposely avoided touching her breasts or groin area. Eventually she directed my attention to her breasts in a non-verbal, but obvious way. They were ready to be in the game so to speak. Later she directed my attention further down. It ended up being one of our deepest love making sessions. She was given the time to warm up and then invite the next level of connection when she was ready.

It was a wonderful relief to know that I was welcome to come inside as opposed to feeling like I was intruding in some way that I could not explain (which was my usual sense of the whole thing).

Having had that experience, and now reading DR's book, I will never go back to the old "rub em till they warm up" way of doing things again. I go forward slowly and never advance to another level of connection until I have been invited to do so.

waiting to be invited doesn't work for me

I wish it did. I kind of had to be a little pushy. I'm not going to be invited. That's just my wife and may not be the way yours is. But we've gotten through to having a great journey with me pushing especially at first. She doesn't have the sex drive, at least so far, although she is quite happy having intercourse with me very frequently. But had I waited for her to invite me to the next level, I'd be waiting :)

We guys all want to feel wanted. But sometimes it's a quiet "you're wanted" that she's whispering and you have to be sensitive to her style and what she is saying in her own way.

So how it works here, is I ask her if it's okay and she says yes or she says no. We just get the lube out and start. Every other day seems to work very well right now. 

 

My breast

This is awesome information and my Mother In Law actually told me about this post (so glad I found it) I have no sensation what-so-ever when my breast are touched I just thought that I was just that way until I started reading love story books and it saying that they get tingling sensations from their breast being touched so that's when I decided to talk with my Mother in Law about it. I have been practicing this for about two days now and I don't think two days will have an immediate break through, but I'm hoping it will happen soon. I felt so bad when I told my husband that his touch on my breast had no affect. The disappointing look on his face was well kind of heart breaking. I guess that look was more of sorry for me for being this shut off and not feeling any turn on sensations from my breast. The breast thing has been an always (no sensation when touched) thing and now my whole body hasn't been responding to intimate touch within the past month. I have no idea what is going on with me. I have this crazy sex drive with no sensual feelings for it. If you could offer some insight on that for me I would really appreciate it.

Thanks

for sharing your story. It's great to hear about your progress.

I'm curious, how long have you been together with your husband?

You are full of surprises... You say your mother-in-law pointed you to a post on Reuniting?! And you discuss sexual matters with her? She sounds like a wonderful, very open, approachable sort of person. You may be lucky to have her in your life. Is she someone we already know here on Reuniting?

You also seem to have some odd contradictions within yourself, for example "I have this crazy sex drive with no sensual feelings for it" and that stuff about wanting to be touched but putting a sheet between you and your husband. I can't explain what's going on with that. I think only you can figure that out. But given how quickly you've progressed in just a few days, I expect those problems will get resolved pretty soon.

Curious Fellow

We have only been together three years, but I met him two years before that. The craziest thing happened inside me when I first laid eyes on him (this is before we dated) I heard myself (in my head) say I want him and will be with him forever. I had never had anything happen like that and two years later after laying eyes on him I am with him. Anyway, my Mother in Law is a very amazing person I have no one in my life who is like me except her and she understands me. Plus I know she wants her son and I to have a wonderful relationship. Yes she and her husband are on here. It's KevinJ and Donna. About the crazy sex drive (let me be more specific) it is so uncontrollable (working on fixing that) but, just recently it's like my body has shut down to all the receptive feelings of "Turned On." I don't even want it because it takes so much to get me turned on and it's only by stimulation (for a long period) that gets me going. I just feel that I'm disconnected from "Me" and the sex drive is definitely there as in frustration; feels like my mind is playing with me. Now for the touch thing I just had I don't know how to put it an "Epiphany" within myself. He is the only man I've ever been comfortable around (Naked) I just don't like him to "Feel" the flaws that's why I use the sheet. I have now heard from his mouth that those flaws I let bother me he doesn't even notice until I move his hand, shove a sheet between us, or flinch. So now I just say screw it (for lack of a better word) he loves me no matter what I have to just "Get Over It." I'm not very good at stated what I mean unless I'm with pen and paper it flows with pen not with keyboard it's always like I'm searching for what to say on a keyboard. I can't type as fast as my mind is going.

It's not unusual

to have a bit of a "flatline" when you stop the hot sex. You will likely become more sensitive with time. Just be patient.

Good job opening up to touch. It's very healing and soothing.

Breasts

Hi Rachel,

I don't quite understand what you mean by feeling the breasts "from the inside" first. When I had a boyfriend (many years ago), he would always touch my breasts straight - I mean that was the first thing he would do whenever we spend some time alone together - and I absolutely enjoyed his touch, and it really turned me on. But what would he needed to have done rather to feel me from the inside?

From the inside

Hi there~

What I am talking about is something you do on our own, not something that is done to you by someone else. It's hard to describe, but think of inhaling and exhaling in a circle through your body~~starting with your breath being inhaled up through your vagina, up through your stomach, and then exhaling out your breasts and down to your vagina to start all over again.

In this way, your breast are in the "giving" mode (such as if you were breastfeeding) and your vagina is in the receiving mode (as it is during lovemaking).

What happens is this starts to connect your breasts to your vagina in an energetic (and physical) way. You can do it on your own and at any time. It helps to "open" the vagina and to relax you. Over time, I think it helps you diminish the need to have your clitoris touched in order to feel sexual excitement (it has in my case, at least).

My breasts are now the most erogenous part of my body (except for my vagina). But it's all linked together and all that has to happen for me to be "ready" for lovemaking is for me to feel my breasts and my body in that way (and my lover is welcome to to help me along) and I get to the point very quickly where I *want* him inside me very much~~and since he has also been doing his circling of breaths (in the opposite direction~~his penis becomes the "giver"), etc., when he touches my breasts it makes him very ready to *be* inside me, if you know what I mean, lol. There have been times during lovemaking where he cannot even touch my breasts or it will cause him to ejaculate~~he has become that sensitive to the energy.

I hope that helps!

Breathing

Freedom, in the beginning we practiced together and made a conscious effort to do it, but over time it has become second nature as our bodies have awakened together.

Breathing

We would breathe simultaneously (usually while in the "yab yum" position) and remind each other to do it~~now it's just "what we do" I guess~~it's easy to remember because it makes you feel very good when you do it and you notice it when you are *not* doing it.