Am I Addicted?

Submitted by s0cks on
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I really don't know how I came across this website. Luck perhaps? I've always had problems, but I put them down to anxiety issues. I guess when you have trouble keeping it up you then start to think about not being able to keep it up and you get stuck in this vicious cycle.

I lost a great girlfriend over these problems. I've met other girls, attractive girls in fact, but I was hardly ever sexually aroused by them. I honestly cannot remember the last time I got a woody when flirting. I thought desensitization was normal. Again, I blamed it on anxiety and had absolutely no idea what I was going to do. I didn't want to start using pills because they were expensive, I knew my penis worked (morning woody 30% of the time, easy to get it up watching porn, etc...), plus I didn't want to get reliant on pills.

This has been the case for the last 6-7 years now, and I've basically become a complete introvert that actively avoids looking for girls. My problems make me nervous, and as much as I would like to go out picking up chicks with my friends, I just.... can't. If I ever somehow got a chick to like me I'd probably be so overcome with fear I'd die (in fact this almost happened once - not dying - but a girl was keen for me, was in my bed, but I somehow blew her off until she fell asleep - how f**king sad). In the last year this stuff has really started to get to me. I'm sad and depressed - extremely much so. Everything else in my life is good, but this one vital bit is chaos.

So after reading this site I have decided to quit POM. Which I have actively been doing daily since about the age of 16 (but I started occasional PMO at around 14). I have NEVER, repeat, NEVER, masturbated without the aid of porn or fantasy. In fact, when my girlfriend used to give me hand or blow jobs I would fantasize. I never even made a link - though I had once thought that maybe if I abstained I'd want it so bad that I could go for anything - but in the end I thought that was stupid so carried on. I blamed it on anxiety, that my girlfriend wasn't my type, and so on. I guess if I look back now it looks like I am addicted - daily PMO, sometimes 3 to 4 times a day (though that was rare - twice at most) - have even done it at work (so shameful).

Fast forward to now and it's day number 5. I haven't had any cravings yet. My mind has wandered, but it's easy to keep in check. I've had a couple of semi-hard spontaneous erections, morning wood this morning, and yesterday I got myself hard from touch alone just to check (went no further!). Shouldn't I be having massive cravings by now if I'm addicted? I've felt pretty low over the past 5 days, but tbh I have for the last year so that's no different really. Do I just keep at it and see what happens? Am I going to get real real low? Should I do something now to prevent myself from caving in (like a porn blocker)?

Thank you for reading.

chill, my man

Your story sounds a lot like mine. I think most people here come across this site because deep down they know they have a problem. So, welcome. You're in good company :) Your story sounds a lot like mine. It sounds like porn has done a job on your brain and you need to take a break and cool those brain patterns down. I actually just finished my reboot (I'm on Day 121 no PMO) and I feel ridiculously better. How about you read through the rebooting account on yourbrainonporn, decide what you're going to do about your issue, and dig in for the long haul? I think everyone who does it feels better for it. When I started, I had felt pretty low for years. And my flatline lasted about 90 days. I never had super massive cravings like some people do- everyone is different so just focus on holding off and taking things day by day.

Good luck, man.

Thank you, my man

Recovering - I appreciate your response. It is always a relief to hear that you are not alone - because it certainly can feel like it when everyone else around you is getting some.

I think I actually answered my own question last night. A mate came over with some weed, and I got way too stoned, the type where you start to get paranoid. I started having real low thoughts - about how I'd be alone forever and all this kind of bullsh*t. Luckily there was a rational part of me still awake and I was able to tell myself it was just the drugs. But then I started to get cravings for porn, every thought I had would play out into some sort of porn scene, and it was so tempting to just let the fantasy continue in my head. But I didn't cave, and instead played a videogame to take my mind off it. I realized at that point it was my brain trying to get a fix, because I'd always turned to PMO for comfort.

As I sobered up I actually felt kind of glad. At least now I know there is a problem here with PMO - I guess it was self confirmation. Feeling good this morning, I'm in this for the long run.

Thanks all.

Yeah, I stopped smoking

Yeah, I stopped smoking during my reboot because it drastically increased the temptation to O. I would take all the steps necessary to keep you from relapsing back into it. That includes a porn blocker if you think you need it. Don't feel bad that you're just realizing all this stuff now- I've kind of learned that with addictions, you're always the last person to know. When I first found the site and saw flashes of myself in the different rebooting accounts, it definitely threw me for a loop. Also, I wouldn't try to "test" yourself. Just trust the process and wait until you re-sensitize. There's really no need to test- your body will tell you when you're ready to go. Let everyone know if you have questions or worries about anything.

Hi s0cks,

Hi s0cks,

I wrote pretty much that exact same post about this time last year, and I remember the feelings you've described. I was about two weeks out of being dumped by my girlfriend because I couldn't perform. So humiliating. Once you read that porn is the cause of a lot of the problems you've been experiencing in your life, the link seems blatantly obvious. You're in the right place, though, and you're definitely not alone.

The other good news is that new people are posting on here every day, and almost every day, someone is posting some success they've had in overcoming PMO addiction. You will too, but it probably won't be easy.

This website (as well as yourbrainrebalanced.com) are a wealth of information and community that I highly suggest you use. We're all in different stages going through this together.

I just wanted to comment that I also found quitting weed was a pretty big help in reducing the urges to PMO. Another thing that helped was daily exercise. I think if you search around for a bit you'll find a lot of common themes in the stories here as well as in successful recoveries.

Best of luck!

-BrittleB

Thanks again

Cheers guys. I'll think about the weed - I had planned to cut back to just once every so often so I'll make sure to do this. Only after I've seen the live Trailer Park Boys show this weekend!! Does anyone else remember their first O on weed? OMG! But no! I must resist :)

I hope this reboot can help me. I'm fairly confident, but it's really hard to know at this stage. Will definitely start exercising - another good suggestion! Cheers again guys.