I really don't know how I came across this website. Luck perhaps? I've always had problems, but I put them down to anxiety issues. I guess when you have trouble keeping it up you then start to think about not being able to keep it up and you get stuck in this vicious cycle.
I lost a great girlfriend over these problems. I've met other girls, attractive girls in fact, but I was hardly ever sexually aroused by them. I honestly cannot remember the last time I got a woody when flirting. I thought desensitization was normal. Again, I blamed it on anxiety and had absolutely no idea what I was going to do. I didn't want to start using pills because they were expensive, I knew my penis worked (morning woody 30% of the time, easy to get it up watching porn, etc...), plus I didn't want to get reliant on pills.
This has been the case for the last 6-7 years now, and I've basically become a complete introvert that actively avoids looking for girls. My problems make me nervous, and as much as I would like to go out picking up chicks with my friends, I just.... can't. If I ever somehow got a chick to like me I'd probably be so overcome with fear I'd die (in fact this almost happened once - not dying - but a girl was keen for me, was in my bed, but I somehow blew her off until she fell asleep - how f**king sad). In the last year this stuff has really started to get to me. I'm sad and depressed - extremely much so. Everything else in my life is good, but this one vital bit is chaos.
So after reading this site I have decided to quit POM. Which I have actively been doing daily since about the age of 16 (but I started occasional PMO at around 14). I have NEVER, repeat, NEVER, masturbated without the aid of porn or fantasy. In fact, when my girlfriend used to give me hand or blow jobs I would fantasize. I never even made a link - though I had once thought that maybe if I abstained I'd want it so bad that I could go for anything - but in the end I thought that was stupid so carried on. I blamed it on anxiety, that my girlfriend wasn't my type, and so on. I guess if I look back now it looks like I am addicted - daily PMO, sometimes 3 to 4 times a day (though that was rare - twice at most) - have even done it at work (so shameful).
Fast forward to now and it's day number 5. I haven't had any cravings yet. My mind has wandered, but it's easy to keep in check. I've had a couple of semi-hard spontaneous erections, morning wood this morning, and yesterday I got myself hard from touch alone just to check (went no further!). Shouldn't I be having massive cravings by now if I'm addicted? I've felt pretty low over the past 5 days, but tbh I have for the last year so that's no different really. Do I just keep at it and see what happens? Am I going to get real real low? Should I do something now to prevent myself from caving in (like a porn blocker)?
Thank you for reading.