Submitted by gemlou78 on
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We've been through trauma because I discovered his PA. He's living at his parents for now. However through reading YBOP site I came across Karezza and read up about it on this site. I showed my husband and he was eager to try and rebuild our bond/trust/and if it aided his recovery so much the better.

Today is day 5 of no stimulating his Penis and only doing the massage on it. He was extremely sore yesterday, he said it's how he imagines period pains are for women.
On day 1 of massage about 10mins after once he was clothed we were just talking and he suddenly started shuddering kind of like an orgasm but without the ejaculate.
I had my own unique experience too a couple of days ago. I needed to stop physical contact because I was getting close. Too close but it was too late. Within seconds of him moving away from me I had a prolonged orgasm on my own. This has never happened without the typical stimulation. My husband said it was incredibly erotic to see but after I felt bad and was worried I'd lose all we'd been building up. Luckily I didn't and last night (although we shouldn't have because we've not done the two weeks yet) we did eachother genital massage ensuring not to touch where we shouldn't. Then lots of slow kissing/stroking/cuddling and we decided to put his Penis a little bit inside me. We stayed that way for about an hour or so while still lovingly touching eachother. It was lovely we both enjoyed it and we're amazed how much time had passed.

He's very sore again today. Is it bad we engaged the way we did before his two weeks of genital massage are completed? He didn't 'finish' we were actually really proud of ourselves. Also it feels great having him resting in me but I think we both thought his Penis would start to snake around/probe etc? Does that bit just take lots of time and practice?

Is passion allowed as long as no stimulating? We are trying really hard not to get too passionate but sometimes our kisses and cuddles and become a little frantic and we have to force ourselves to slow down.

We both really want to succeed at this because even though it's only been 5days we can see a huge difference. He says he really can't stop thinking about me. He's feeling more motivated etc. He's been lazy and neglectful for so long. It's good to see this change in him. I always seem ready for 'special time' it doesn't take much for either of us and I get very wet very quickly.

Is there anything we should or shouldn't be doing?
I'd appreciate any tips. Thanks

Thanks Marina, ive just read

Thanks Marina, ive just read the links out to him so he'll try some of the tips in them.
I think maybe we're going to near the edge and that's causing the blue balls. Suppose it's just going to practice to be able to stay safely in the calm waters.
I think because he'd been able to make sure he didn't go over the edge we thought it was ok to still be passionate so long as we didn't stimulate any off limits areas on eachothers bodies. We make sure our touches are loving and we're feeling very bonded.

Rumor has it that the Daoists

kept ice-water by the bed for the man to dip his penis in when things got too hot. I thought it was just to reduce arousal, but then I saw other men who practice karezza recommend cold water to reduce discomfort.

you relax that area with your mind

eventually it goes away as you relax that area with your mind...then you aren't tensing up unconsciously which is what causes blue balls when you don't ejaculate...the machinery was all set and then WHAM you stopped it...if you relax that area (perineum) then the machinery doesn't get advanced to firing position and you don't get this discomfort.

Thanks, he says they've not

Thanks, he says they've not been hurting as bad today. We keep ice water by the bed while we do the genital massage and practice connecting.
He really likes what we're doing and the affect it has on him in general. So do I. He did say though that he's doubtful we'll ever be able to be still. We'll see..hopefully we'll get the hang of it given time. I think it's an achievement in itself that we've been able to be connected for an hour and half to the brink numerous times during it but neither of us let ourselves go over (apart from that one occasion I did).
I'm hopeful because we are managing that..that eventually the rest will follow.
I'm praying this will keep him from the addiction too. That maybe it might in time heal our marriage.

A couple of thoughts

Glad the pain is down.

Not everyone is still. Movement with moments of stillness seem to be the norm.

If his addiction stems from childhood trauma or attachment problems, he may need professional help as well.


who needs to be still???

I'm not still at all. Movement is amazing. It's just that it takes time for the brain to rewire to this, and when you do, it takes LESS movement. Stillness is nice sometimes, but I love to move inside her. 

Every couple eventually comes up with their own "style" that works for them, but stillness isn't the goal for me.

That's very nice

I think you have got the right medicine, the karezza, to bring back harmony and love in your marriage and heal it completely. Your husband will feel an constant attraction to you and you will be amazed to see how easily time gets over during your intimate moments.

It's great that you are having good long karezza sessions without slipping to the edge. I think the goal should be to experience the intense love and togetherness during and avoid orgasms to keep the love flowing. Stillness isn't the goal but personally me and my wife prefer stillness. We easily pass an hour or more while fully connected with very little in-out movement. But some gyrating or rocking movement also feels great too. Every couple have their own 'style' and you will eventually figure out your own 'style' that suit both of you.